A nose for cat pee

Somehow it seems wrong to follow a lively colonoscopy discussion with a post about cat pee, but these things can happen from time to time. The filters have left the building, and it’s kind of like Johnny Lee Hooker and Boogie Chillen, when papa told mama, “Let that boy boogie-woogie. It’s in him, and it got to come out.”

One of the worst smelling things in the world is cat pee. From such sweet kitty babies comes such vile waste. There is a new development in the world of cat pee, but first a little history.

We adopted a huge cat in South Carolina and named him Bruno. He was a great cat, but he was not a good cat. A thug, really, but a lovable thug. He never liked being an indoor cat. Bruno enjoyed a screened porch in South Carolina, because who doesn’t? After we moved to Texas, we spent a fortune fencing in our backyard with special cat fence so he could enjoy the great outdoors.

For both moves, we chauffeured him to his new residence, partly because he was too big for airplane carry-on. I had all kinds of absorbent layers under his carrier in the backseat of the car in case of an accident, because, well, you never know. At some point in life, I think we all begin to understand bladder control is a tenuous thing.

We were driving from Texas to California, and we were in the Panhandle when I smelled it. I was certain he sprayed. We pulled over and began to investigate. Nothing. We finally got out of the car to get fresh air, and it turned out wherever we were smelled exactly like cat pee. It was in the air. I forget the name of the town, but we called it Cat Pee, Texas.

Bruno was always a good roadie and adjusted to life in California quite well. We struggled with the indoor-outdoor dilemma, but we were done spending my retirement money on cat fences. Aside from an escape to the neighbor’s yard that involved me climbing the fence at midnight to retrieve him, he was an indoor cat.

Then he started peeing everywhere. We tried all kinds of things to stop it and took him to the vet to see if anything was wrong. The vet said he was fine. I purchased a blue light and would explore the house at night like a madwoman to see where he was spraying. Pee lights up yellow. He trashed a Flokati rug downstairs, but the pad underneath caught most of it, and the pee didn’t seep into the hardwoods.

Upstairs was carpet, and that was a different story. It was a four-bedroom house, and all the damage was in two bedrooms, one used for our office and one used as an exercise room. He never touched our bedroom or the guest bedroom.

It got worse, and he started to decline in other ways. Our boy was sick. We took him back to the vet, who did an ultrasound and discovered Bruno had extensive cancer. I assume all the spraying was related to pain and illness. Poor little guy. I mean poor big guy. We ended up taking him back to the vet for the big sleep and cried like babies for weeks months afterward.

But then we had to figure out what to do about the two bedrooms. We pulled up corners of the carpet and learned it had seeped into the subfloor. We thought we could replace the subfloor, but a carpet guy came and said that wouldn’t work, because the boards were structural and spanned across rooms.

The carpet guy said to scrub the floor with a mix of bleach and water and then seal it with oil-based primer/sealer. Then they would put new padding and new carpet down. The floor scrub was the easy part. We did it once, let it dry and then did it again.

Then we discovered California does not sell the stuff we needed due to environmental restrictions. Dale drove to Reno and back in one day to buy it. Because, you know, Reno … it’s right there waiting for illicit interstate cat pee traffic.

We painted on two coats of the sealer, and later the carpet guys came back to finish the job. There was absolutely no odor left, and we sold the house when I retired.

Our new cat, Riley, is a Maine Coon mix, with a sweeter disposition (although, as I said, Bruno was a great cat who had his charms). We had to lock Riley up in the second bedroom last week when contractors were here replacing our old heating and cooling system. When I went back into the room to retrieve him, I could swear I smelled cat pee.

It was like déjà vu all over again. I found the blue light and commenced to examine. Nothing! One of his litter boxes is in that room, but it’s clean and odorless. I went back in the next day to see if I had missed anything. I was over by the wall where the cannabis plant is growing beautifully, and then I could smell it.

My cannabis plant smells like cat pee! This particular strain is Jack Herer. After Googling it, I discovered others have compared it to cat pee. When the door is open you don’t notice it, but the smell was noticeable after Riley was locked up in there all day.

I’m thinking it might not be all that bad. Dale couldn’t smell it, but then he can’t hear either, so I’m not sure he’s the best judge. It’s like my nose was born to smell cat pee.

On the bright side, Riley has been redeemed, and at a little more than 10 weeks, my cannabis plant is thriving. I don’t really smell it until I get up close, so I’m hopeful the odor subsides a bit after it is harvested and dried. One can only hope. If not, I will make it my resolution to embrace the smell of cat pee.

I have nine more seeds.