Betrayed by pie

I don’t know why apple pie has to be so hard. Soggy bottom crust, mushy apples, unnecessary feedback from your spousal unit. It’s one betrayal after another.

This year, I dug out a recipe from the Cook’s Illustrated site, which I subscribe to. Classic Apple Pie. I was tempted to use a different crust but decided to follow the recipe exactly. Because I’m a rules-follower. I’m not always rewarded for such allegiance, but that’s how I roll.

Their recipe called for a mix of Granny Smith and McIntosh apples. I knew the McIntosh would be hard to find, so I read through the comments and saw Pink Lady or Jonagold would be good substitutes. I used Pink Lady. I hate apple pie that has the consistency of apple sauce, so getting that part right was important.

At least it was to me.

The dough was a little dry and difficult to work with. I had to patch it in places, and it was too thick in some areas, but I couldn’t get it to roll out any thinner without cracks. I will say the pie cooked beautifully and looked perfect. However, I have experience with soap opera apple pie – the bad and the beautiful – so I assumed nothing.

Dinner was exceptional. The turkey was crisp on the outside and juicy in the middle, the stuffing was savory with crusty bits and the creamy mashed potatoes were like pillows waiting to be kissed with succulent gravy love. OK, that was a little over the top, but it was damned good. We shared a bottle of Pinot Noir.

We should have just stopped there and skipped dessert. But noooooo. There would be pie.

The texture of the apples was perfect and the seasoning was divine, but the crust was unevenly cooked, and Dale said the flavor wasn’t as good as my regular crust. I focused on the positives and raved about the consistency of the apples, when Dale said it didn’t matter to him. It could be applesauce, as long as the crust was good.

WRONG ANSWER.

Why am I busting my ass finding the perfect recipe if all I have to do is scoop out some apple sauce and throw a slab of crust on top? I was in kind of a snit when I went to bed. That’s why I woke up early ruminating about what went wrong with the apple pie.

Lying there in bed, I decided first to cancel my Cook’s Illustrated subscription. Fuck them. They think they’re so smart. Then I decided I’d go back to Ina Garten’s recipe for apple crostata, except I’d use this Cook’s Illustrated filling and a different crust recipe. And I’d probably have to adjust the cooking time. I planned to spend my day gathering all the recipes and creating a new one.

Then we got up and settled in for breakfast. Honestly, I was still full, so I just started with coffee. Dale went for the apple pie. I’m like, you don’t have to eat that. You’re under no obligation. I’m prepared to toss it. And then I couldn’t stop myself. It just came out.

If you prefer, I’ll just find you some apple sauce and throw a little crust on top.

Well, in terms of responses, that was not my best choice. All he said was, “Just stop it.”

Still, I was kind of happy thinking about what it would look like as it got sucked into the garbage disposal while I watched Dale gobble it up like it was his last meal. Because I was thinking, it could well be.

He practically licked the plate and then looked up and said, “I’m not sucking up to you, but that pie was absolutely delicious.”

What? I cut myself a small piece. Just a sliver, because I see more gravy in my future. But he was right. While the crust was still a bit unevenly cooked, most of it was crisp, crumbly and yummy. Perhaps everything tastes better when you don’t eat like you’ll be visiting the vomitorium later.

I’m not canceling my subscription to Cook’s Illustrated. They are fine people, and I’m sorry I said those bad things about them. I made notes to the recipe, which I will make again, but I’ll tinker with the pastry dough or use my other go-to crust recipe.

And so another Thanksgiving comes to a close. Even after three years of being retired, it still feels like a four-day weekend. I’m looking forward to lots of leftovers. Perhaps even another piece of pie.

14 thoughts on “Betrayed by pie”

  1. I love this post, Donna. Been there, cooked that. I try (and usually fail) to cook verbatim from a recipe I am trying for the first time. So I can blame the recipe if it doesn’t turn out. But I usually end up tweaking something because I KNOW BETTER, doncha know? And *spoiler alert*, I will try to blame the recipe anyways. 😉

    Deb

  2. Pie crusts… Ugh! I am bound and determined to figure out how to make a good pie crust this year and to stop getting store bought pie crusts:)

    1. I normally make great pie crust and thought I had it all figured out, but there’s that whole betrayal thing. Cathy Barrow’s books on pies changed everything.

  3. Great post!
    When I retired in 2010, I resolved to spend a few months perfecting various pastry crusts. The more I tried, the more frustrated I became! Finally, I found a recipe and a technique that works for me. I use it for every pie and experiment with recipes for different fillings.

      1. Donna,
        I’ve got an excellent pie crust recipe thanks to my mother, a most awesome baker. Meringue pies, cream pies, fruit pies from scratch with fruit she hand picked off the tree – you name it – she had it down. Oh, the lovely cream puffs too.

        But your Apple pie – even with mushy crust (I love a little undercooked crust) sounds delicious. This year, I opted for an apple cream pie recipe that was posted on Post Secret. 🙂 Someone posted it because it had been in the family for 100 years and her selfish, vindictive aunts would never share. She did! Now the world has the awesome recipe and a lot of comments from people who made it are floating about. It has shredded apples – so apples in every bite and no worries about undercooked chunks. 😉

        I will say that it was delicious – but I’m a texture person and grated apples are different. A dollop of whipped cream and I was over it. Anyway – just google the post secret Apple pie. You might want to give it a go!

        Email me if you want my mom’s crust recipe. I did use store bought for the apple cream pie – I know – don’t get on my shit. Hahaha. The kitchen is not my favorite space – sew she said. Lol.

        Hugs.

        1. Wow, grated apples! Who knew? I swear I am not making this up, but I have never used store-bought crust. I’ll let you know if I’m in need of your mother’s recipe. I suspect you will be hearing from me.

  4. My nemesis has been lemon meringue pie. I keep planning to try again but I can’t get myself ready for more failure. I think I might get too impatient and not let the lemon pudding cook long enough. I cheat on the pie crust and use ready made. Is that bad?

    Or, you could do what we did and get cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory!! It was delicious. 😋

    1. I have never made meringue, so I’m already at a disadvantage. I’m still thinking about making coconut cream pie. But right now I don’t need the extra calories!

  5. I’m impressed that you’ve never purchased a pie crust. I made the apple pie cheesecake torte and my daughter said it’s now her favorite Thanksgiving dessert. I wasn’t as impressed, but that’s probably because all I could see was the errors like overbaked crust.

    1. It is tough to be a perfectionist when it comes to crust. I’m glad I made my pumpkin cheesecake ahead of time, although when all was said and done, the apple pie was pretty darn good. I loved the mix of Granny Smith and Pink Lady apples. And no butter in the apple filling — the folks at Cook’s Illustrated said it took away from the apple taste. I did like it better without the butter … words I never thought would come out of my mouth.

  6. I just came upon your blog and realized that you and your readers are serious cooks. Spoiler alert – I’m not. All my food just has to be “good enough.”

    To that end I finally figured out the secret ingredient to an excellent apple pie.

    It’s gasoline. Yes, gasoline. You put it in your tank and drive to Costco. I LOVE their apple pie.

    1. Hi Anne, thank you for finding me, and thank you for the tip on gasoline! That was my laugh for the day. I hope you’ll stick around. Not everything is about food — just most things.

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