For many of us, retirement starts sort of slow. Nervous at first about the money and how you’re going to spend your time, but then you gradually slide into the comfort zone. Maybe you’re busy, maybe you’re not, but you’re still careful not to commit to anything that will disrupt your version of bliss.
And then someone comes knocking. A little crack in the glass before it shatters to pieces or a fun opportunity to engage with the outside world?
I’ve been asked to undertake a volunteer role in my golf league. It’s what we used to call in the corporate world a rotational assignment. Three months. Every Wednesday. People would email me during the week to sign up or cancel for the next week’s play. I’d be the first one there on the morning of play to start checking people in, and I’d have to readjust playing groups due to cancellations or no-shows. Then I would play in the final group, which pretty much guarantees a 5-hour round.
It sounds like stress to me.
One person approached me already and said someone else is probably going to try and recruit me as well. I have no idea why they think I’m suitable for this job or any job for that matter. They probably just need a warm body.
While I do enjoy my league, I’m still exploring my new-found freedom. After a demanding career, I love not being responsible for much of anything. The odd part is that I am good at being in charge … it’s just that it wears me out. Still, for a fat paycheck, I happily obliged.
God bless those who love to volunteer, but that is not me. Even at work, I was never the eager beaver organizing the birthday luncheon or holiday gift exchange. Showing up and pretending to like it was the best I could do.
I told the person who contacted me I will think about it. I did share that I was newly retired and didn’t want to bite off more than I could chew. I expect to get hit up tomorrow and will say the same thing.
Of course, I was raised by wolves and always struggle with what to do in social situations. For those of you with better upbringing … or simply those who have been involved with clubs and such over the years, I have a few questions.
Can I say no and not burn any bridges? Can I say no forever, and just enjoy the play, or is it assumed one must contribute at some point? Have you signed up for something and regretted it, or did you have a good experience?
Any other advice?
Dear Donna – I suggest you should think twice about this request. As a person who began retirement in his twenties (just a little every day) and has the fundamental philosophy of ‘carpe diem’, I would see this as a fundamental interference in making the most of what time is left – UNLESS I would really enjoy it, which it sounds like you will not. The basic futility of life requires the approach of Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump. What would he have done? Alan
Excellent advice, Alan. That’s twice now you’ve used a Lieutenant Dan reference. I only saw the movie once, although I did Google that scene you mentioned about, “You call that a storm, God?” Thanks for the wake-up call. I will watch it again.
“Showing up and pretending to like it was the best I could do.” This describes almost all my work obligations, hahaha. I retired in May and have only said yes to one organized activity. I usually go to the monthly retired teacher meeting and volunteer with them at the food bank. They were aggressively inviting me to another group they are all in, but I didn’t want another commitment, especially one where they fundraise. I don’t want to fill up my schedule with obligations. I would say no to this volunteer gig. When the right one comes along, at the right time, I think you’ll know it. If you have red flags, follow your gut.
Sounds like a vote for balance. Pick and choose. I may have to stretch but not necessarily this time. I do like the “you’ll know when you know” advice. So true!
I would say no. If you say yes and regret/resent the duty, you won’t enjoy the golf anymore anyways, so don’t worry about burning bridges.
Unless it is very clear that this rotational duty is indeed every member’s duty (which should have been made crystalline from the outset, before you even joined this group) and everyone takes a turn, in which case you’ll have to decide if being with the group is worth having to do the rotation when your number comes up.
You make some great points. I like the group as a member, but if the rules are too annoying, why bother? The rules of golf are annoying enough. Hmmm, more food for thought.
Echoing Kims comment above: “Showing up and pretending to like it was the best I could do.” is a great line. Might get them to chisel that on my headstone.
Ha! That would be great on a headstone. Maybe that could be my retirement gig? Making up stuff for headstones. As always, you’re on it, Derek.
In theory my first advice would be to say no and save your retirement time. Having said….. that any group or organization needs all its members taking a turn at “something” to keep things going smoothly. So as you are saying no I would be thinking about what would work for you rotationally or otherwise sometime in the future assuming you like the group and the golfing. Most of the volunteers in this type of gig dont live to volunteer. They just do it because someone has to. In my knitting group I arrange the christmas party reservations and send out the announcements. Someone else collects valentines goodies for the staff of our independent book store ince a year and so on.
Barbara — I was hoping you would weigh in on this, because I know you’re involved in a lot of things. And in the end, you are right. Somebody has to do it. That’s a great point for me to remember. I’m still leaning toward no, but I want to find room in my spirit for taking on something else in the future. Maybe I could be the official cookie baker of the league?
Exactly.
If you have to think twice, that’s one too many “thinks”. This too shall pass and something else (more appealing will come along). Do not feel guilty.
Thanks, Jean! I appreciate your thoughts.
Yes, you can say no. And no is a complete sentence. If that doesn’t feel right, maybe, “No thanks. Thanks for considering me.” Or, “No, that’s not something I can do right now.” I find the latter response to work well.
I love hearing that no is a complete sentence!
I don’t see why you can’t say no. After all, this is your life and you should be able to do with it as you please. There are still things you are forced to do by your particular circumstances and anything else you do should be at your discretion alone. If they don’t understand, I would say they are shallow and selfish.
Agreed. If they don’t understand, too bad.
I said No to a group activity leadership role in my art meetup for all the same reasons as you want to.Yes, a few of the members think I am selfish and should have “stepped up.” Know what, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore.I KNOW FOR SURE my time is precious to me and I do want to herd,organize,teach, mange or otherwise be encumbered by other people’s whims ..so.. just say No and let the chips fall.I said No nicely and also my reason” I LOVE BEING RETIRED and I LOVE HAVING VERY LITTLE RESPONSIBIITY “— I said with a laugh . And I moved on.
WHat you’re being asked to do sounds like a heavy responsibility. People making and breaking dates..and they DO make and break..soo much work??
I do volunteer but it is with animals not people and the animals are sooo apppreciative!! I get to choose the days as I go —some weeks I don’t do any,some weeks I have two shifts available,depends on me.
So.. will wait to see what you decide!!
Yes, the people making and breaking dates is key. It’s a zoo in the mornings, and some of the women complain about everything. I’m pretty sure I will say no. I’ll be sure to share my final decision!
Find your fit. I probably volunteer way too much and having founded all -volunteer run organizations- I appreciate even the small donation of time. Volunteering is tricky. It’s easy to get sucked in and there are pros and cons. I’ve met some of my best friends in life because I volunteered. The key is finding the balance as orgs can be like “real” work place environments, and there lies the reason to run if you’re newly retired or not very social. But – if I’m a member of a group that gives me something – (community of interest) – then I feel I need to take a turn – that’s just me. Three months is not much time in the scheme of things and then you can call it even. You’ll feel good and you might make a new friend! 🙂
Pam — I assumed you were one of the good guy volunteers! Thank you for your service. I’m probably going to say no this time around, but I get your point and will consider something in the future.
Here is my rule of thumb- if the organization dies due to lack of volunteers, would I be upset? If the answer is ‘Yes’ than I would agree to volunteer if asked. If the answer is ‘No’ than I would not, and let the chips fall as they may.
Also, I volunteer at places where others do not, so at the end of the day it should balance out. (Like Madeline, I prefer to work with animals (or children) vs. with adults. Adults are generally a PITA! 🤣
That’s a great rule of thumb! I’m not ruling out a volunteer role in the future, but I’m not up for it now. If only cats could golf.