I’ve been dreaming about going back to work. These are real nighttime dreams – not aspirational thinking. In one dream, President Obama asked me to come back to Texas, where I was needed in the defense industry. I said yes, I mean, for America, sure, but when I woke up, I was like, fuck, that was dumb.
In reality, I have no interest in a job. I thought a lot about why I’m having these dreams, and I believe it’s about a search for distraction. We’re living this Groundhog Day existence, and I’ve grown quite sick of the whole thing. Pandemic, fires, air quality, racism, politics – you name it, and I’m sick of it.
Work is the ultimate distraction. For years, a job served me well in my quest for something else to think about besides the crap that infiltrates my brain.
I’m convinced some people don’t want to retire, because then you don’t have that distraction anymore, and you kind of have to figure out who you really are. What’s your core value as a human being, and how are you going to spend your time on the planet?
Heavy stuff. In many ways, work is easier. Wouldn’t you rather be mad at your boss than mad at yourself?
That said, I’m still all about resisting the pressure to conform and perform. I’m post-job, living the Bohemian heiress lifestyle, dabbling in what amuses me, and I’m all the better for it.
Methinks it’s just a touch of cabin fever right now. I do believe we will get through this mess one way or the other, and I look forward to celebrating in grand style. Maybe even get on an airplane and go somewhere.
I know. Crazy talk.
lost in space
We actually have a favorite sausage market in Sacramento, but it closed after a big fire earlier this year. The brats were as good as any I had in Germany. A friend recommended another sausage market in Lockeford, a rural community about an hour from our house. Dale and I decided to take a road trip.
I had my phone, but I wasn’t sure about cellular service, so we packed a real map, and I wrote down the general directions. In the town of Ione, we got to a critical juncture in the journey – left, right or straight ahead – and the phone flipped out. First, it said I lost cellular data. Then it started telling me to make all kinds of crazy turns.
We tried straight ahead, and that didn’t work. We turned around and came back to the juncture, turning right. There was a remarkable absence of highway signs, and we weren’t sure we were on the right road, but to quote Bruce Springsteen, we took a wrong turn, and we just kept going.
The landscape was dry and barren and looked like Mars.
Dale was excited to pass Rancho Seco, a decommissioned nuclear generation plant. Oh, the sights to behold! And we can now say we’ve been to Galt, all 5.9 square miles of it.
In the end, we added about 30 minutes to our trip. We found the sausage market, loaded up and got on the correct road going back. I was curious to see where we’d land when we hit Ione, where we made all the wrong choices.
As we drove into the town, it became clear we should have made a left. Well, now we know.
Dale grilled one of the brats last night, and it was delicious, but I actually prefer the brats from Sac, which were emulsified like a hot dog. The brats from Lockeford were chunky. Still good, but I need to see if the other place is rebuilding. One can only hope.
lime squeezing happiness
To end on a bright note, as proof positive there is still good in the world, I bought a new citrus juicer, and it’s the most amazing kitchen tool I’ve purchased in years.
I highly recommend this little gadget, especially if you have weak wrists and enjoy lime-based cocktails (just an example). It sucks the juice right out and leaves a little more than a hockey puck as residue.
This post is hitting me close to home! I had returned on a part-time basis to the job I retired from. I was enjoying the work and my co-workers. Then the pandemic sent us home, where I eventually lost all enjoyment in the work. I hung in for about six weeks after the realization and then advised them that it was time to hire a replacement. One of the things that I miss is getting lost in the work and I realize that I used work as a kind of meditation – total absorption. So now to replicate that without the deadlines. Love the citrus juicer! Coincidentally I just spent that last hour or so on various sites looking for a bunch of different kitchen gadgets I need. This one may make the list.
You described it so well — getting lost in the work as a kind of meditation. I get some of that from cooking, my woodburning art. But it’s still quite self-absorbed. Work was good at getting me outside of myself, if that makes sense.
Wow…just touched a nerve :). Earlier this week, I applied for a part-time temporary job (remote work) and regretted it about 5 seconds after I hit submit. I now realize it was a reaction to what I’m calling “hitting the wall” of no hope. I’m a glass half-full person (married to a glass always empty person) and 2020 has really tested my optimistic side…drinking from any glass often is helping I must say. I was just thinking that I really needed lime juice in my “end of the day” cocktail (I’m on East Coast time!) when I saw your post. Limes and the juicer are now on the shopping list. Have a great weekend and thanks for your posts.
It’s interesting how a job comes into play when we don’t know what else to do to get through this terrible time. A job! Why I did that for 30 years — piece of cake! Everything else is hard. Dale and are similar and both fluctuate as to half-full and half-empty — but we express it in different ways, and it seems like we are never on the same page at the same time. But the good news is he can pump me up when I’m down, and then I can do the same for him.
You will love that juicer!
I’ve been making lots of lemon curd so I really want that juicer. My dreams have been about eating cookies. What’s up with that?
Cookie dreams … could be worse.
I never dream about going back to work but I am feeling somewhat aimless these days. I’m assuming it’s pandemic related and I will recover. But when?
I had a citrus juicer but it must have been a cheap one. Or I used it incorrectly. It broke. I now have a juicer that measures while I squeeze or whatever you call it when you grind your citrus on that pointy thing. Hmm. Maybe I should go back to work if it would help me intelligently describe things. 🥴
We had a juicer where you had to grind your citrus on the pointy thing (well-described, by the way). I hated it. Very hard on my wrists, and it seemed like you never got all the juice out.
So true, Donna- work is the ultimate distraction. Remove work and the boss and the co-workers and the commute – who’s/what’s left? I know that I used work as an excuse not to get certain things done. Now there’s just me to hold accountable. Not unlike something I read after the pandemic shut down – I was waiting ’til I had more time to do a deep clean of the house; turns out that wasn’t the reason. I have to say that living in a rural area has saved my sanity. The demands of the season are oblivious to this pandemic. Yard and garden work have kept me engaged. Some garden produce has been harvested with more to come. Today I picked raspberries for the freezer. Tomorrow I’ll make borscht. i tried a gin & tonic last night and found out that wasn’t a solution either. I finally watched Groundhog Day. I liked the revelation at the end of the movie.
Hi Mona — I can see how the demands of the season would be a perfect distraction. I was watching a documentary last night about an ultramarathoner, who also runs an animal sanctuary. No time to dwell on problems! We don’t have much of a garden, but cooking has been a lifesaver. Yesterday I made an Indian feast, complete with grilled naan. Took most of the day, and I felt happy as I puttered around the kitchen.
Wow. This post really speaks to where I’m at today! Soon to retire and now more deeply thinking about ( or confronting) my purpose. Oh, and I was going to purchase a juicer too! So, perfect timing.
Please keep you posts coming! I just love hearing about your adventures and keeping so grounded. I’m learning from your journey!!
I do believe retirement is the best part of the journey yet! I hope you love it as much as I do. And thank you so much for the encouragement. I truly appreciate it.