Is it OK to be anti-social?

In yet another failed social experiment, I joined a meetup group of over-50 hikers and signed up for what was described as a “brisk 5-mile walk” along an urban trail.

While the trail was fine, the walk was anything but brisk. There were a fair number of chatty slow pokes, and the leader paused every so often to let them catch up. At one point, I went ahead of the leader because the sauntering pace was killing me, but apparently you’re not allowed to get in front of the leader.

I do understand rules. They’re trying to keep everyone together and safe, but it was painful. I was eager to walk with a group, because I’ve read all the studies about social connections and well-being. However, I quickly realized you are only as fast as the slowest walker.

One of the women who was moseying along was raving about what a beautiful and perfect day it was. I was cold, because I couldn’t work up a sweat, and I was stuck behind her lumbering self, so I wouldn’t call that perfect.

I finally figured out how to slow down, although it felt like I was walking in place. I did chat with others, and it was all right, but the truth is I’d rather be alone and walk fast.

So, OK, I tried it, and I didn’t like it. I guess that means I’m still a loner. But you know what? I’m OK with that. When I was working, I thought I was anti-social because I was busy, tired, pissed or whatever. In retirement, all is revealed, and it turns out I’m just anti-social.

I’ve been like this all along, and it hasn’t killed me yet.

15 thoughts on “Is it OK to be anti-social?”

  1. OK, made me laugh. I don’t have a witty comment but I’m with you.

    For me I like to ride my bike. Even when I was at my top form riding lots of centuries I always practiced alone and rode the entire century alone. What’s wrong with me? I found I had a niche problem. I could never keep up with the fast riders, but was much better than the loligaggers or just slower riders. No one rode at my place.

    So I’ve been trying to get back to riding and I’ve been asked several times who I’m riding with. Short answer for me.

    1. This time you made me laugh. Who are you riding with? Short answer. Mine, too, I guess.

      I’m excited to hear you’re getting into cycling again.

  3. The statement that rang out to me was – in retirement, all is revealed… It’s so true that in retirement, work can’t be used as an excuse. “Would you like to …?” while working often garnered replies such as, “Sorry, have to work tomorrow.” In retirement, is it ok to say, “No thanks, I’m not interested.” And yes, it’s ok to be antisocial if you can’t find a suitable group.

    1. It is interesting, how we used work as an excuse. Now we just have to tell our truth, as you said. No thanks. Not interested. How liberating is that?

  4. I am very much an introvert. I also like walking fast! I’d much rather walk alone with my own thoughts and ideas. I have friends but rarely get together with them. Mostly it is my husband and I. Probably not the greatest plan but it is who I enjoy spending time with.

    1. Same here. I used to feel bad about it, but I accept it now. Maybe there’s a different way to say it. Anti-social seems so harsh. Not particularly social? Maybe introvert, as Linda suggests. I like that!

  5. I look forward to and love your posts as I can relate to almost everything you write (ecstatically retired from corporate job, no kids, golf, staying fit, introvert, etc.). This made me laugh out loud. We built a retirement home in another area and moved here a year ago. I have felt like I needed to make new friends here, but after a year of not trying too hard, my thinking now is that I’m just fine without new ones. I truly enjoy my daily (brisk) walk with just my thoughts and a good podcast.

    1. Hi, Dot! Thanks for taking the same to share your thoughts. We do have a lot in common, and I always love hearing I made someone laugh. My husband is the same way, so we’re pretty much hopeless on the social scene. I’ll have to try listening to a podcast as I walk.

  6. I quit hiking with a group because of how slow they were. Getting stuck behind the slow pokes was torture. I started making sure that I was the first person in line, and then I’d take off and damn the leader. There was a guy the same way, and we’d end up hiking together, talking only occasionally because we were there to hike, not talk. My husband and I hike a lot, and I’m quite a bit faster so we take walkie talkies so I can check on him (he’s got some health issues). I much prefer to walk and hike by myself, although it is nice to eat lunch with someone on top of a mountain, enjoying the view.

    1. Well, it definitely sounds like I’m not the only one who likes to walk alone. My husband has had some injuries, so he hasn’t been able to go with me. Even then, he complains I walk too fast!

  7. I think Linda is correct. I used to think I was anti-social until I learned I’m really just an introvert. I like to walk alone, go to the gym alone, and avoid crowds at all costs. I used to feel sorta bad about it like I was different until I embraced my introvert self. Now, I am just happy being me. I can think back my whole life and see how I tried to fit in but now I just love being an introvert who likes to be home, read, walk, etc. I do go out but not to any venue with lots of people.

    1. Hi Christina — I never thought of myself as an introvert, but now I can see it all adds up. I also avoid large venues, and going to them for work was the most painful part of my career. I’m going to follow your example and embrace it!

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