I’ve kept journals for years, although I often quit mid-way through, leaving lots of empty pages behind. However, I’ve kept the journals and periodically go back to raid them for fresh paper. I found one this week from 1994. I was 39 years old, and I was already dreaming about retirement.
Well, not retirement per se, but it seems I already wanted the exact lifestyle I enjoy today. All play and no work!
I slept like a baby last night. I worry sometimes because I do so enjoy my sleep. But on weekends, I don’t mind getting up, because I know the day is mine. But getting up and going to work, knowing that time belongs to someone else is not motivation for getting up. But what else can I do?
Work isn’t that bad. I don’t know why I hate it so much. Maybe I just wasn’t born for work. I’d rather play!
I’m looking forward to Christmas. Not because I like Christmas but because I have 11 days off! I love it. I plan to write and practice piano and walk. Maybe throw in a little cooking. And reading, of course. I do love life when I can do the things I like.
I sure wish I didn’t have to go to work today. I love staying home. Maybe I should have married money. But then I would be embarrassed to be a kept woman.
I’m feeling happier. I’ve come to the realization my self-worth is not wrapped up in what happens to me at work. It’s not my soul in there. I know I have to have a job, and I want to be good at it, and I want to get promoted and all that, but it’s not my purpose in life.
For the record, I was not a real piano player. I was learning to read music and play the piano with a special “piano” keyboard and program that plugged into my Mac. I learned three or four songs and had Dale videotape my recital. I would go on to express regrets about my performance.
It seems I blew Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
On the bright side, I would go on to have a successful career doing pretty much what I was doing when I complained about it in 1994. While I worked hard and had a strong drive to succeed, I was always ready to goof off and had lots of soul-affirming hobbies and interests. Ultimately, I accepted the dualities of work and play, but I never felt like I found my purpose.
Still, I’m glad I stayed the course in my career and didn’t chuck it all to live off the land. Money doesn’t grow on trees, as my mother used to say, and my job was key to building our savings. But all the fun stuff I did over the years is what truly prepared me for retirement.
The fun meter isn’t exactly pegged these days, what with fires, smoke, COVID … have I forgotten anything? But I still love retirement, and reading my old journals was a great reminder to quit whining, relax and enjoy the privilege of life.
As for purpose, I heard the musician Steve Earle talking on his Sirius radio show the other day, and he said he has always believed he was put here for a purpose, but he’s no longer arrogant enough to assume he knows what that is. Instead, he said, “I just show up.”
Me, too, Steve.
Donna,
You are the retirement gold standard. Thanks for all the encouragement and the end statement is great. If nothing else, I’m still showing up.
I do love that quote from Mr. Earle. He’s had his own struggles, and his son, Justin Townes Earle, died not too long ago. But he keeps showing up. So may we all.
I felt much like you I think, for most of my career. I liked the work, but if I didn’t have to earn the money I’d have been even happier doing other stuff…along with plenty of extra time for just reading and dreaming.
Love that Steve Earle quote.
Deb
I have to confess, I liked it way better when I was a leader. Dumb people running things is never a good idea. I’m glad you’re enjoying all the other things you’d rather do!
Love it! I think I’m still searching for my purpose too! I enjoy so many things – it’s hard to choose – and stay focused. Sadly, the fun things don’t pay well for many of us. Some are lucky to do what they love and get paid for it. Me – I’ll keep searching – maybe it’s more about the journey than the arrival. 😉
Best,
Pam
I’m not even sure I’m searching anymore. Just going with the flow. You are so right about the fun things usually not paying well. I’ve always envied those who love what they do and get paid for it.
Great to hear from you!
‘All play and no work’ is a great motto — we all need to play more and not always take ourselves so seriously.
I also like Steve Earle’s message — very true!
That’s another good point — don’t take ourselves so seriously. I definitely need to work on that!
Excessive heat and drought can be added to the list here. It’s a daily challenge to keep positive and persevere with the mind/body practices when there’s no change in the attitude and prevailing feeling of pending doom. So many sayings come to mind – this too shall pass; keep on keeping on; do the right thing; try to matter; you do you and I’ll do me. I am a big fan of Steve Earle and a line from Copperhead Road often rings in my head – keep yourself to yourself and one eye on the ground. I also think about a comment someone made about Willie Nelson – he doesn’t give a sh*& in the best sense of don’t give a sh*&. He just makes his way without worrying too much about what others think. It’s all about balance and so it is with retirement and work/play. Each day I try to do something that needs doing and something that wants doing.
I also find it a daily challenge to keep positive. Pending doom sums it up nicely. We need some good news to balance all the crap.
Picking up on Mona’s post I think Willie Nelson is a perfect example for Donna’s post. I love Willie and can imagine him still writing and recording his own music even if no-one had ever heard of him or bought a single CD.
I like the image of Willie cranking out the music for the sake of the music. He’s a gem.
What a fascinating read Donna – like your very own time machine.
I’ve not kept journals or a diary except for a short period when I used one to write out some difficult emotions. I found it the other day and carefully extracted the uplifting stuff before destroying all the pain journalling – no-one else needs to read that stuff when I’m gone, and I’ve learned the lessons well 🙂
I am going to channel Steve Earle and just show up – there’s been far too much angst over what my purpose actually is.
I’ve tossed a lot of my writing, but I also have a lot still in tubs. Awful stuff I would hate to unleash on the world after I’m gone, but I can’t quite bear to part with it yet. Re-reading is quite enlightening. It seems to me you are doing a great job of showing up! Purpose is overrated.