According to the neurosurgeon, most of my back problems are typical age-related degeneration. I have one disc bulge that is squeezing the spine (if I’m even saying that correctly). Basically, the result is spinal stenosis. He said that’s why I have pain in my lower buttocks. Hey, but ask Dale. He already knew I was a pain in the ass.
The neurosurgeon said I was way better off than most people with this degree of stenosis. He attributed my good fortune to physical fitness and encouraged me to keep doing whatever I’m doing. I was happy to hear I can still walk, swim and play golf, and even happier to hear him say it’s unlikely I’d ever need surgery. That’s good, because after multiple cancer surgeries, I have already fulfilled my surgical obligations.
In the meantime, I’ve been working on the mind-body connection. I started with Healing Back Pain by John Sarno. He believed repressed emotions cause most chronic pain, but other than understanding that concept and accepting it, he didn’t offer much in the way of advice.
Dr. Sarno was seen as a bit of a quack in his day, but there’s new research that vindicates him. It seems lots of medical professionals now believe chronic pain starts and ends in the brain – you just have to work a bit at reprogramming your physical responses to emotions such as anger, fear, shame and guilt.
After reading some of the newer articles like this one, I signed up for a program at Curable. There are all sorts of brain exercises and training modules to help navigate through chronic pain. Within a couple of weeks, I was virtually pain-free.
Then out of the blue, it cranked up again. There’s an emergency section of the app for when you have a flare-up, and it walks you through some ideas to help get you back on track. I thought I had dealt with all my emotional baggage and couldn’t imagine what was left.
After doing the module this morning, I’ve discovered a few more unresolved issues. Nothing big – she says – just the granddaddy of them all. Who am I? Why am I here? How much time to I have on this Earth, and what should I do with it?
I never really thought about those sorts of things when I was busy earning a living. It was just grind, grind, grind, and in retrospect, there’s something to be said for that mode of existence. In retirement, I have the pleasure of waking up in the middle of the night to engage in existential discussions with myself. But at least I can sleep in.
As long as I’m moving, I’m fine. Sitting is the worst. What else do I do when I sit? Why, write, of course. Since I haven’t written anything in a couple of weeks, I’m wondering if there’s a connection.
As I try to get rid of this butt ache, which is really, I think, an aching for knowledge, wisdom, value or purpose, choose one or all of the above, it would seem I have some work to do. I’ve decided that’s OK.
I try not to think of life as a game to win or lose. Things seem to work better for me when I forget about being MVP and just show up for practice.
P.S. If you’re looking for some great reading featuring a strong (and I mean badass) female protagonist, I highly recommend the Jane Whitefield series by Thomas Perry. Jane is a Native American who helps people disappear when bad guys are after them. Vanishing Act is first in the series. And joy of joys, there are nine of them!
I’m sorry to read that you are dealing with chronic pain, Donna. My therapist daughter says we hold our trauma in our bodies, so not surprised it would manifest itself as pain. I hope it eases up for you. Thank you for the book series recommendation – I will check it out.
Deb
I apologize for stealing badass from you, but if you read the first book, you’ll see we all pale in comparison.
As someone with “severe spinal stenosis and arthritis” in my lumbar region, along with unknown to me before, scoliosis (but that explains a lot) in the same area, I have had off and on back pain through the years, but it did not turn into something fierce until a few years ago. As someone who has always been very physically active, the pain that affects my legs, was probably the worst sentence I could imagine, as I started curtailing hikes, then walks with my dog had to be done with a trekking pole, then a cane and then with what I still regard as the best mobility device in the world for people who won’t give up the outdoors: my Trionic Veloped, a Swedish all terrain rollator that allows me to walk my dog (attached to the Veloped) on the intersecting 8 miles of trails that are part of the community where I live. It’s a rollator that goes off road, up and down curbs, steps, in snow…it literally saved my life from going insane indoors. So. Years ago, I read Sarno’s book Healing Back Pain which shows that although not severe, I dealt with back pain early on, in my 50s. Being active, I’d torn my ACL, I continued to be very physically active, despite “some pain.” Right at the point of retirement and marrying the man I’d lived with for 10 years before moving back west, I jammed my back in a fall (landed on my feet though) returning from a trip. And….it went downhill from there over a period of six years. While my husband continued to hike and play tennis, I went to not being able to do anything without a cane or rollator. I dug up Sarno’s book, bought his other book with other authors: The Divided Mind, and am currently also reading sections of To Be or Not to Be, Pain Free by Marc Sopher, MD, who has distilled Sarno’s information in easy reading.
Enter this post by you as I’ve dialed down the pain to be able to go cane free in the house, and to taking longer and longer walks with my dog and yes, with my Veloped, but with a dialed down pain level and lots of talking back to my brain when it flares, and not having to lean on it to take the weight off my left leg which I’m having to rebuild muscle in after a year of anxiously keeping as much weight as possible off of it because of the pain. I also signed up for a great streaming chair yoga program called VistaYoga, geared toward older people. I had given up years of practicing Iyengar yoga when my back problems increased.
I explored Curable and have signed up for it too as I continue this journey to getting my body back. The mind is indeed a powerful thing. My neurosurgeon told me that my only recourse at this point is a spinal fusion which he said had a 33% chance of making it better, a 33% chance of no change at all and a 33% chance of making it worse and that he recommended that I avoid surgery if at all possible. With those odds, who wouldn’t? But he also showed me the MRI, telling me that it was interesting that I had the pain in my right leg when the narrowing of the nerve channel was so much smaller leading to the left leg which is where he would think that I would have the pain. Guess which leg soon was healed and which leg suddenly had more pain than I could bear to put weight on?
I don’t tell many people what I’m doing to get better aside from saying that I’m using mind/body techniques to conquer the pain. I don’t want arguments from them about how it might or might not be a viable course of action. So thank you for bringing it up. I’m headed to 71 years of age next month but inside I’m still in my 30s and I’m looking forward to getting ever better physically as I head to the exit door of life. And from an earlier post of yours, check out The Ordinary skincare products. They have their own website that you can order from but much of it is carried by Sephora too. Canadian company, low cost, same great products sold in high end skincare. I also like Khiel’s moisturizers.
First, thank you for telling your story. You probably changed at least one person’s life today. The thing that speaks to me is that you’ve never given up. And here you are … still at it. I will definitely check out the book by Sopher, as well as the chair yoga. That sounds like a great option.
I will also check out the skin care products! Thanks so much for the recommendation.
I did rather go on, didn’t I? I just got so excited to read of your success at mind/body techniques in a public posting, I jumped in without editing first. I’m already impressed with Curable. It’s a practical workshop in using the mind/body techniques. I thank you for giving me another tool in my toolbox.
Hi, Donna – I am so sorry about your stuggles with chronic pain. You’ve included many great gems in this post, including Curables. I’m off to look that up now.
I have found Curable to be very helpful. Hope you find what you’re looking for.
Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with pain – it’s the utter pits. I considered Curable when I was having left knee pain before my surgery. As I’m currently avoiding hospitals, the replacement is on ice, so will re-visit it in an attempt to keep pain flares at bay. I’m also reminded that I’ve allowed my pilates to slip, so that’s back on the schedule.
Thank you also for the book recommendation, I’ll give it a read & get a copy for a friend with CFS & neuropathy.
Finally, I concur with Deb’s therapist daughter, I hold my stress & negative emotions in my lower back – the sacrum in particular. My chiropractor always checks what’s going on in my life as she unlocks it.
The neurosurgeon recommended pilates. I may have to give it a go. I fit the classic profile of someone who holds stress and negative emotion sin their body. I just keep moving it around!
Jane Whitfield is one of my top two book heroines! You have a great time ahead of you reading them. I gobbled up the new one in one night and now I’m bereft!
Oh, goodie!! I don’t know how I missed this series, but such a treat to discover.
Funny. I love love love all the other Rhimas Perry books especially the old man but cannot get into that series. I’ll. Check out curable. I have had chronic pain at its most severe since I can remember. The not sleep through the night and can’t concentrate type. In my case drugs are a requirement. As few and as low dose as possible but constantly. In otherworldly not waiting until having the pain before taking the cure. I also move alot because motion is lotion and move it or lose it. I do meditation and yoga and accept that I cannot do what I cannot do. But live is to be loved. I will read the book although my legs are degenerating not my back.
I would hope there’s a good path for everyone to help them manage pain, and that you’ve found one that works for you.