Category: Style & Fashion

I’m a terrible shopper. For me, shopping is not unlike multiple choice quizzes or the SAT question that starts with a train leaving Chicago at 10 a.m. I may or may not know the answers but always overthink the problem until I inevitably get everything wrong.

Most of my shopping excursions involve at least one extra trip for returns, but sometimes I don’t discover my mistake until after I’ve worn them, and by then it’s too late. Except … I’ve recently learned about 100 percent satisfaction guaranteed. Of course, I’ve heard the expression, but I had no idea how it really worked in the retail setting.

I went to Atheta because I saw some really cool hybrid cargo pants in the catalog. We used to call these stretch pants. They weren’t cheap, but I was prepared to splurge. In retirement, I find myself drawn to stretchy, multi-purpose clothes suitable for golf, hiking or even a meal out.

Again, I always overthink things. I tried on the size 6, and the clerk said I needed the 4. I thought the 4s were too tight, but she said they would stretch. Although I like a slim and sleek fit, I have a history of buying clothes that are too big for me.

I got the 4s home and decided I made a mistake. Drove back to the mall (30 minutes) and explained my dilemma. I tried on both sizes, and they confirmed I need the 4s. The clerk said we stand by our products. If at any time you think they aren’t right, just bring them back.

Came home with the same pants I left with and tried them on again. I decided to wear them for a long walk today, and the 4s felt tight all over and pinched at the waist. The pockets weren’t particularly functional because the fabric was tight across my body.

I’m not one to abuse return policies. But sometimes products don’t live up to their promise, and I kept telling myself – they said it would be OK.

I went back to the mall for what was now my third trip. The clerk recognized me and said, “Oh, they didn’t work?’ I said no, and I feel bad, because I wore them. She said don’t feel bad, that’s our policy, and she happily exchanged them in a flash.

The picture shows me in the size 6. They are a little looser in the crotch, which might not look good if you’re checking me out down there, but I think that’s why they are more comfortable. I feel like I can move in them, use the pockets and wouldn’t look ridiculous wearing these on the golf course or about town. I haven’t gone the yoga pants route just yet.

For my fashionista friends, I am posting a picture from the catalog for comparison and proof I’m not going back to my dark days of baggy men’s clothes. Hers are a little loose in the crotch as well. No camel toe for us.

Now I have pants I like but what an ordeal. All self-induced. I would not want to use the satisfaction guarantee very often, but now I look to see who else has it, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised to see Ulta has this policy as well. Sadly, that means the hair product graveyard in my bathroom was completely unnecessary.

During my recent travels, one person said she loved the color of my hair and another said it’s too long and needs to be cut. I loved the positive feedback on my silver, although I’m in favor of other people dying their hair if they want to. However, the haircut comment got me thinking.

Maybe it’s time for a refresh, I thought. I wasted several hours looking online at new styles, and nothing spoke to me. Bobs, lobs, you name it. I even considered bangs. Then I went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, and I said to no one in particular, “I fail to find anything wrong with my hair.”

Wow! Think of all the years many of us have spent loathing our hair and our bodies and everything else, only to arrive at a point of acceptance and satisfaction. I’ve had this style for several years now, and I think it suits me perfectly. I especially love that it’s low maintenance — an important consideration in retirement! Never say never, but I’m going to trust myself on this one and leave my hair alone.

By the way, I went gray about 10 years ago, and it didn’t seem to hurt my career in the slightest. I did blow it smooth when I was working, while now I’m a bit more bohemian. Gray or not, long or short, I say focus on what makes you happy and learn to tune out kindly suggestions that don’t meet your needs.

Although I follow several fashion bloggers and love their flare, I am way too boring to be successful in that genre. You’d pretty much see the same outfits over and over again. While I care about appearance, I usually keep it simple. Still, I don’t think you have to be a fashionista to dress well in your retirement.

Retirement is all about enjoying life on your terms. No need to impress anyone. No need to fit in. Hopefully, you’ve planned it so you can live the way you want and dress the way you want. This retiree prefers a more minimalist style. I’m outdoorsy and fit, and oh, yeah, I don’t have breasts anymore, but I like comfortable clothes that skim my body and allow freedom of movement. Adult play clothes.

In some ways, being flat opened my sensibilities to a more androgynous style. I was never girly anyway and was never into makeup or painted nails, although I have been known to wear the occasional skirt or dress. My favorite celebrity inspiration? The late Anthony Bourdain and the thriving Jeff Goldblum!

Call me cray cray, but I think a slim pair of shorts and a white t-shirt with white Birkenstocks is stylish. I went to the DMV today, where I saw exactly how I don’t want to dress. If you need inspiration for how to accessorize with bra straps, that might be your best place to look.

Well, that was snarky. Good for them, they are doing exactly what I am doing, which is dressing how we please. This outfit is typical of what I like, but I’ve been thinking I might want to check out some thrift shops to see if there are some simple but cool pieces to add to my repertoire. Getting dressed is kind of fun when you don’t have to worry if it’s appropriate for the workplace!

How about you? Are you happy with your retirement style or do you even care? And believe me, I get that not caring is a viable option!

It’s summer! My husband wanted new swim trunks. I said let’s go shopping. He said, nah, just pick something out for me. Size 36.

Are. You. Kidding.

Men apparently don’t know it takes months of trying on every swimsuit in the store before you can find something … anything that doesn’t make you cry. Most of us would rather have a root canal. In one of life’s mysterious twists, I only came to grips with my beach body after I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy.

I did not have reconstruction, which I wrote about here. Breasts would have made swimsuit shopping easier in some ways, but when you are as flat as a 10-year old boy, options are limited. It forced me to look at my body with new eyes. I realized we’re just a collection of body parts, and we want something to cover some of those parts so we can go out in public and enjoy the water.

Once you lose the idea you’re supposed to be sexy or thin or voluptuous or 22 years old … once you lose the idea you’re supposed to be anything but who shows up that day, it’s easier to find a style that makes you feel comfortable and confident.

I treated this challenge like a science experiment and tried on just about every swimsuit in the tri-county area. Everything, whether I thought it would look good or not. There were some real losers that made me wonder who is this made for? Who could this possibly fit? Yet, I have a feeling someone, somewhere said, “Perfect!”

Lots of older women like tankinis, but I settled on a mix-and-match with a similar style. The hipster bikini bottoms are from Target. The rashguard with Ultraviolet Protection Factor (UPF) is from Athleta. The top does not balloon up in the water, and the bottoms don’t ride up my butt. Those might be my only two requirements at this point.

Also, I am fairly modest in how I dress, but I found “full coverage” bottoms were not particularly flattering to my lower half. It turns out I like a slightly skimpier bottom with ruching in the back. I was as surprised as anyone, so I encourage you to experiment, even when you think it will look ridiculous.

Although I chose this swimsuit combo to accommodate my flatness, it would look great on curvier women with breasts. The folds in the top are flattering for all shapes and sizes, and you can pair it with a swim skirt or board shorts if you prefer. Athleta also makes tops with long sleeves for those who need more sun protection.

I spent years being self-conscious about how I looked in a swimsuit. My breasts weren’t perky enough. My butt was too big and my abs too flabby. I absorbed all the hype about getting your beach body ready by summer and made myself miserable. Then life happened, and I no longer had breasts to complain about.

Only after my mastectomy did I come to fully appreciate the concept that all bodies are beach bodies.

In a recent post, I wrote about breaking my glasses and thinking it might be a good opportunity to change my hair, but alas, I changed my mind instead and opted for a quick trim. This is what I call retirement hair.

Some people don’t like gray hair and really don’t like long gray hair. One of my otherwise favorite family members said older women like us shouldn’t have long hair period. Nothing to do there but call bullshit.

I’m not against dying your hair if that makes you happy, but it’s more money and more time in the salon. I’m just not up for it. I had short hair for years, and if you check out my Pinterest boards, you’ll see I do love a good pixie. But again, that’s more time and money in the salon.

I wouldn’t mind growing my hair even longer, but my hair is fine, and it doesn’t hold up well beyond this length. I get a haircut about every three months. This is basically a blunt cut with a couple of subtle layers in the front. Simple.

The stylist blow dried it today, so it’s all smooth, but I have a little wave and let my hair dry naturally mostly to save on wear and tear. No flat irons or curling irons, either. With mid-length hair, I can pull it up in my messy man bun or wear a hat, and it still looks stylish. I shampoo and condition a couple of times a week. No products (another money saver).

Now that I’m keeping my low-maintenance retirement hair, I will turn my focus to glasses. I previously speculated I might go crazy and get something totally funky. Well, it was a thought, wasn’t it? I’ve tried on some frames, but I’m pretty sure I’ve settled into the kind of person who wears plain black glasses.

Sadly, I am an eyewear snob, in the past preferring high-end designer frames, so we’ll see how I handle this challenge on a retirement budget. My sunglasses are Ray-Ban Wayfarer, which I see as having a minimalist retro vibe without being too snotty. Maybe something like that?

I was cleaning my glasses, and they snapped in half. I sort of saw it coming – they were high-end but not particularly sturdy. I bought them when I was in the hunt for a VP job and thought I needed a conservative look. Didn’t get the job. Got a life instead.

In terms of new glasses, it would seem the world is my oyster. In retirement, we can totally reinvent ourselves inside and out. I could go completely insane or stick with my trusty black frames. I’m wearing an older pair of basic black glasses now, and the prescription is pretty much the same, so I have time to shop and consider.

Retirement eyewear. This could be interesting.

One look that sort of appeals to me is the older woman with oversized glasses. I suspect the glasses are supposed to cover bags under the eyes and crow’s feet. Cheaper than cosmetic intervention. Then again, I like the idea of something edgy. But what does edgy actually look like?

To complicate my decision, I’m sick of my hair. I wear it up most of the time, and it is super easy to take care of and cheap to maintain. I don’t blow dry, don’t style with products and only need a trim every few months. My hair is fine but shiny and healthy with plenty of body. Anything other than what I have is likely to mean more money and more maintenance.

I’ll probably wait on the glasses until I decide whether I’m going to change my hair. Hair and glasses are a big part of how you look, and I think of them as a package deal. As I write this, I’m betting I’ll leave my hair alone. I might be surprised how new glasses look with my current hair minus the pressures of conforming to a conservative workplace.

That whole conformity thing is interesting to me. How many decisions did we make to fit into our environment, to show we were part of the tribe? How many of those decisions became habits, and how many of them can we dump now that we’re beholden to no one?

Looks like I will begin the reassessment with new glasses. Shopping for eyewear is usually painful. Glasses are not cheap. I no longer have vision insurance, but I never thought it was all that great to begin with. I often paid out-of-pocket because my favorite optical shops didn’t accept insurance. However, that was when I had cash flow. Certainly, I will gasp when I see the price.

I was dreading the whole experience, but aside from the surprise expenditure, now I’m kind of looking forward to it. I’m curious to see what I like through a new lens – the lens of retirement!

They say millennials love them some Ulta and spend a small fortune there on makeup, but to me, it’s like the creepy funhouse at the carnival. However, I needed conditioner. As I entered, I heard a guy talking to his wife. He said, “And I don’t like these surprise Ulta trips, either.” My husband, meanwhile, was hiding safely in the car. I said 10 minutes, but it was more like 30. Things happened.

In the category of too much information, I have this itchy discolored patch of skin on my back called Notalgia Paresthetica. Dale calls it my nostalgia. I had just visited the dermatologist, who suggested I experiment with topical treatments for the itch. Lotions with Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHAs) may help.

Seemed like a good idea to look for it at Ulta since I was already there. I went through the cheap stuff aisles and then made my way over to the fancy stuff. An older and beautifully groomed makeup enthusiast with silver hair was shopping the same zone, and she said to me, “This cream is supposed to get rid of wrinkles.”

I said, oh, wrinkles, I try not to worry about them, and she said that’s because you don’t have them. I showed her my neck, like what are you blind? And then she showed me hers.

“Look at this!” And she points to a small spot under her chin. I couldn’t see it at first, but basically it was a scar. She said it was from a facelift gone bad. She starts rattling off the doctor’s name so I would never go there, and I said got it, no problem.

She asked politely how old I was. 62. She said I had the skin of a 50-year-old. Thanks, I replied, even though I’m not sure I feel right about being grateful for misguided illusions of youth. She told me she was 78, and I gushed a bit and said she looked fantastic. She stroked her neck and said once again how badly her facelift was botched.

By this time, I did not believe it was my destiny to find the lotion I wanted. As I was looking for an escape route, she started in on her next topic, which was what to eat so you look younger. Pro tip: lots of fruits and vegetables. Then she told me about some pill you can take that also helps.

Finally, I said, good luck on your journey and slowly eased away, back to the shampoo and conditioner section, where I know my shit. Later, I dropped off the ball and chain (Dale) at home and went to Marshall’s in pursuit of golf clothes at rock bottom prices.

For a long time, I hated shopping and didn’t give much thought to what I wear, but I’m coming around again. Like a second wind. Shopping is more fun now that I have the time to search and wait for bargains. The idea of finding stylish retirement clothes on a retirement budget is a challenge that strangely appeals to me.

Anyway, who appears but my friend from Ulta. She said, “Oh, hello, we meet again!” I smiled and said hi but kept moving. She said, “Don’t worry. I won’t lecture you again.” I guess she realized she went a bit too far, and that made me like her.

I watched her walk away in her snug little jeans, and I thought, that is a good-looking woman. I would hope to look that good at 78, but it seemed to me she was still mourning the loss of 48. And it kind of breaks my heart. We are smarter and stronger and better than we’ve ever been, but are we irrelevant unless we cheat time?

On a positive note, I did score a pair of Callaway shorts for $12. And I ordered my AHA cream on Amazon.

My sister-in-law arrived for a visit. I had not seen her in several years, and my first reaction at the airport was, wow, she looks fabulous! I couldn’t quite figure out the difference – a little thinner? A new hair color? I didn’t have to wonder for long. She was eager to show me the before and after pics. It would seem she’s had a little work done.

She just turned 60. For as long as I have known her, she hated the way her face sagged and often complained she had no cheekbones. She used to pull the skin up on her face tight to show me the potential. We called it mirror surgery. All that is history, because now she has only subtle middle-aged wrinkles and cheekbones that could knock out Mike Tyson. Yet, it looks entirely natural.

S-I-L has chronic health issues, so she made a vow of no cosmetic surgery. She said it would suck to live through her shit and then die getting a face lift. With two cancers behind me, I can relate. So, what was her magic? Injectables, fillers. No surgery, and she looks at least 10 years younger.

Typically, I am anti-whatever when it comes to doing anything in a feeble attempt to look younger. Until I saw her transformation, I hadn’t given wrinkles much thought. At 62, my face still looks OK to me, but upon further examination, I was shocked to discover my neck has more folds than Marie Kondo’s t-shirts.

Cosmetic intervention is tempting, but I’m probably not going to mess with it. The visible signs of aging actually don’t bother me much. And what other people think about my aging face doesn’t bother me at all. I’m happy with who I am, how I look and how I am living my life.

However, my opinion about “having a little work done” has changed. I felt proud and principled because I was going to leave my face alone no matter what. Big deal. If we’re lucky, we get to age and do what makes us happy. There’s no prize at the end for judging everyone else’s decisions.

How about you? Intervention or no intervention? There is no wrong answer.