Tune out the noise

As soon as I said I would just keep writing, I just stopped writing. Life is weird. You heard it here first.

One of my issues is that I self-censor. I think, this is bad or this is boring or this is too political or whatever, but I am going to try harder to tune out the noise and just say what I have to say. Some posts won’t resonate with some readers, and that’s OK. Most of you keep coming back!

The other issue is that I am distraught over what is happening in our country, and sometimes it feels like a choking haze that affects every aspect of my life. It’s death by a thousand cuts. We feel some impacts immediately, but others will unfold over time … the attack on education, medicine and science, climate change denial. This is the legacy these people want to leave their children and grandchildren?

In spite of it all, I am fine and happy to be standing upright. About 26 years ago, I survived cancer with roughly a 30 percent chance of living five years. I later wrote a piece called, Cancer in My Pocket. You can read the whole thing here, but the gist of it is in these words:

Sometimes I imagine that I carry around cancer in my pocket like an emergency dollar bill. And sometimes I just have to reach in my pocket and fish it out to remind me that every minute of every day is a gift.

I wish I had learned all this important stuff in some other way, but I ignored all the little sticks. It was the big stick that got my attention. For those of you who are better with sticks, I think the thing to remember is that whatever we’re doing, wherever we’ve been and wherever we’re going, no matter how bad it gets, we’re lucky. We’re really, really lucky.

So, yes, I’ve been digging around in my pockets, where I usually find used tissues, but that’s another story. I’ve been so disappointed in the Supreme Court, but I was excited to see a federal judge navigate through the rulings and find a way to at least temporarily stop the assault on birthright citizenship. Although it doesn’t seem like the courts will save us, they just might.  

In other news, Dale, at age 76, was diagnosed with psoriasis. He’s blaming Trump. Well, the stress induced by Trump. May as well, since Biden gets blamed for everything else.

It’s a miserable ailment, and he was not a happy camper. Fortunately, the flare-up has passed but geez, you’d think he was the first guy who ever had an itchy spot. And then there’s his complete lack of experience with moisturizing. Seriously, it’s not that hard. Anyway, now I know what they mean by the heartbreak of psoriasis.  

My achy breaky body parts are doing reasonably well. Every morning is like roll call.

Knees?

Here!

Back?

Here!

Shoulder?

Present!

There’s always a joker in the midst. The shoulder is my new loudmouth, but I’m committed to getting through this. My knees are the best they’ve been in decades, and that took more than a year of dedicated physical therapy. Now I’ve got a slew of shoulder exercises, and I truly believe eventually I will have a stronger more resilient body that can hold up to the pressures I put on it.

With the knees feeling so good, you may remember I talked about doing a multi-day walk. I was getting all excited going down that rabbit hole, when it occurred to me I might just relax and enjoy normal activity without knee pain. What a concept!

All in all, it is hard to watch our country slide down the shame spiral … I mean, masked federal agents? Who thinks that’s OK? But we still have life, and it is a beautiful thing. Now if Trump is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, then we know everything, absolutely everything is rigged.

Maybe I got it wrong. I’ll bet it’s the Nobel Pizza Prize. That would make more sense. I’m sure he eats his share.

28 thoughts on “Tune out the noise”

  1. I’m down with the pizza prize. A pie loaded with everything…so that it makes you sick. And it won’t stop talking…nonsense. Sounds like someone we know.

  2. I know, I know, I know. I know everyday is a gift. My parents died young. I know tomorrow isn’t a given. And, it’s hard for me to not feel overwhelmed at the disaster called the USA. Do I read too much or too little? Anyway, thanks for the reminder to remember that I am really lucky.

    1. Even your bad experiences shape you and give you strength you didn’t know you had. But sometimes all we can do is cry. I think that’s OK, too.

  3. I’m so glad you’ve kept writing. I enjoy your posts and often mean to make a comment but they are comments that simply concur with your evaluation of this administration, OMG, the Supreme Court rulings lately (like what are they really basing these decisions on? And please don’t let them silence you Ketanji Brown Jackson – you bring up valid points and I’m glad that you put it out there). I won’t even get started on RFK Jr. But I should make the effort to tell you that I’m in your camp and that I enjoy hearing about what you and Dale are cooking and baking and all the other things that go into daily living while trying to put the disaster that’s going on, aside as much as you can. Hard to do, I know.

    My despair is that our country is going to be in the toilet compared to just about every other “advanced” country out there when this administration gets through with us. My kids, and especially my two grandkids, one in college seeking to become a music teacher in schools if the arts aren’t completely gutted, and the other who is one kind of a whiz kid who will be a senior in high school next year and is headed for an engineering degree in college. But who knows what kinds of teachers will be left at the schools that he plans to apply to, or, what kinds of jobs will be available when he graduates? As a kid who likes challenges, I wouldn’t put it past him to go out of country in order to be where the best, most challenging and satisfying jobs are. He’s also one of the kindest, most empathetic and honest people I know. I don’t think he would stay at a company that throws people under the bus or who bow to some principle or person that/who doesn’t resonate with his values.

    I could go on, but I’m just preaching to the choir so I won’t. Every day takes a chunk out of me but as you say, be grateful for every day and at age 74 and with some aging issues, I do what I can to stay moving and to stay healthy and look for joy in the small things, the small wins, the garden growing lots of wonderful herbs and vegetables to eat, long distance chats with my best friend, a husband who does the heavy duty stuff and takes me out to dinner when I don’t want to cook (he doesn’t cook). In the small things I take solace.

    1. As always, thanks for being part of this community. You always have such interesting things to say.

      Thinking about your grandchildren and their choices brings it home, doesn’t it? I figure the arts will be gutted. And entry-level engineering jobs … who knows that will happen there. As you said, leaving the country is an option. I see a brain drain coming.

      Your game plan for hanging in there sounds perfect.

  4. Thanks for continuing to write. I totally getting what you are saying. I had a hard time even wearing my usual something Red, White and Blue, because was for the first year ever not feeling one bit patriotic. It really is sad.

    1. That was supposed to say: wear red, white and blue ON THE 4th OF JULY, because I wasn’t feeling patriotic. I don’t usually wear RWB every day, but do on the 4th. But this year it just didn’t feel right. 😥

  5. We all need you, DP!
    Everyday it’s a new assault and I never know what to be mad about first. This is just random but today I was upset that neither the president of the United States nor the Secretary of Defense knows what banned weapons are. And then there are the 200% tariffs on drugs which he thinks will make companies like Novo Nordisk suddenly move to the United States. And of course we cannot develop our own pharmaceuticals now because we got rid of all the scientists. But these two things don’t matter because everyday every hour it’s something else. That’s the plan to keep us falling off our heels.

    I plan to keep resisting as much as I can. I will be out on the street on the 17th.

    1. The stupidity of these people is astounding. In some cases, it’s not stupidity but hubris? Callousness? Vengeance? And you are right. Every day, every hour, it’s something new and horrible.

  6. I too feel overwhelmed by this nightmare we’re living in that seems neverending. Now I know that all the bad parts of the BBB law will be felt after the midterms so I have no hope. Even the farmers who have lost their workers seem to be still supporting him. I live in NYC and even here I know people who support him. I try to enjoy my very pleasant life but I feel sad for all the people who are suffering. What can I do to stop this madness?

    1. It’s hard to imagine how people still support him. I can sort of understand those who thought he was something else, or they had one issue that meant a lot and they thought he would help, but now when they see all this? What part do they like?

      I agree it’s hard to know what we can do. I have given small amounts of money to ACLU and other organizations that are trying pushing back in court and on the streets. And Dale and I have now been to two protests. The good guys might be making a differeence. I don’t know.

  7. I’m agreeing with Dale on the reason for his psoriasis. I’ve been a heavy reader all of my life but never had a desire to read “beach reads”. Lately that’s all I’ve been reading for escape. New York Times, Wall Street Journal, then beach reads. I live in the Los Angeles area and the ICE raids are awful.

    As far as bodily pains moving around -I knew someone whose son was an Army officer killed in Vietnam. This sent the woman’s hovering-in-the-background into full tilt agression. Every little thing seemed to go wrong. Her remaining sons bought her a pillow which read on the front “This too shall pass” ….. and on the back read “And something else will take a places.” That seems to perfectly describe an aging body.

    I love your blog. Please continue to write your truth.

    1. I totally get you on reading material. I have a dark crime novel by my bedside. I’ve renewed it twice but haven’t touched it. But I buzzed through a book about a feisty Victorian butterfly expert who investigates crime on the side.

      The ice raids are right out of the Nazi playbook.

      I do believe stress impacts many aspects of life. Aside from body aches, my sourdough has suddenly failed to thrive. I successfully grew cannabis for years, but I somehow killed my last two plants.

      Thanks for the nice feedback. That’s how I will start to think of it — writing my truth.

  8. Your first paragraph. A therapist I was seeing wanted to express something and, grasping for words, he just said, “…because people are weird.” I went around ever after telling everybody and anybody, “My shrink says people are weird. And he`s a professional.”

    1. We might just have a title for a new self-help book. People are weird. Get over it.

  9. I have no idea how the Nobel prize committees work, and we know that two leaders at least (Pakistan & Israel) have put him forward for the Peace Prize – but I am hoping we can rely on Scandinavians to both know better and do better. I mean, Denmark had to deal with his nonsense over Greenland, so I think we’re safe. Still… it’s always a worry that he and his bunch will find a way to subvert all within their path.

    I smiled reading your decision to just enjoying normal life without painful knees rather than take on something challenging. My knees have taken a backward step recently, which I am decidedly peeved about. Recovery requires that I walk v e r y slowly, which is killing me inside because I am one of nature’s natural striders. But having tried pushing myself through without success, now I have to be patient instead, because I am keen to explore the lovely town I’ve moved to. The reason I smiled is that’s normal life without painful knees is my goal 🙂

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the Nobel prize. Your analysis gives me hope!!

      I’m sorry your knees are misbehaving. My physical therapist pushed me pretty hard to strengthen my quadricieps, which theoretically strengthens the knees. Some of the exercises were too much. The exercise that really helped turn the tide is wall squats. It is rather nice to just walk around without crazy knee pain. I wish you well on your journey.

    2. Hi Jeanne! Pam in Japan here. So glad we rendezvous in this space. (Thanks, Donna.)

  11. The assault on our democracy is overwhelming and we need brave voices to keep pointing out the obvious. This is not okay and we’re not proud of the actions that deprive people of due process, or the blind eye turned to the grift. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone.

  12. My stance today, which I posted here on your blog, Donna, is exactly where I said it would be after the election – I no longer care.

    I voted, and will continue to do so, to try and protect those less wealthy, less powerful, more marginalized than I am. But otherwise, I guess I’m strumming the world’s smallest violin for those now experiencing the results of that which they voted for (and against).

    I’m sorry to be so cynical here, Donna. But as they say, I’m just flat out of F’s to give.

    1. I really do understand the cynicism. And I appreciate your candor. I’m not exactly optimistic, but I go back and forth between cynicism and hope.

  13. Hey Donna, I’m so glad you haven’t stopped blogging, because I so look forward to reading what you post. I also enjoy reading all the comments from others. You said life is “weird, and Maru’s therapist said people are weird. Omg, that statement made my day! In my past life I was a therapist and I wonder if I may have said it too. I have noticed that my mood goes fowl when I glance at the news to see the current leader playing wack a mole with a gavel in his hand. What is going on is unbelievably WEIRD. I could say some choice words here, but I know I would be speaking to the choir. I’m sorry to hear about Dale’s psoriasis. Hope he can still cook.

    1. We might have stumbled into wisdom — life is weird, people are weird. Explains a lot.

      Thanks for being part of the community here. The comments are great! Fortunately, Dale can still cook. That would be a deal-breaker.

      Just kidding.

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