Dale and I have been through some stuff in our 47 years of marriage, and I will just go out on a limb here and say breaking bones within weeks of each other and then trying to recover at home together is by far the hardest thing we have ever done.
We have different reactions to pain. Different expectations for comfort. Different ideas about what progress looks like. Different ideas about safety and risk. One of us is on team normal, and Dale is clinically insane.
Just kidding. No lie, though, it has been tough, but I believe we have turned a corner and will soon be back to our jolly selves. I had something like PTSD, and every little noise, every little thud came to haunt me. Was that just the icemaker or did Dale just fall down and die?
The chat bot helped me come up with a mantra.
“I am not the safety officer in this household. I am present, grounded and at ease.”
That helped me a lot, and I’m not nearly as fearful as I was. I saw the house as one giant booby trap waiting to kill one or both of us, and I had to let that go. I’m cautious now but not neurotic, although Dale might take issue with that assessment.
We’re slowly approaching normal or what passes for it. Dale navigates freely about the house without a walker, going up and down the stairs as needed. He uses the walker outside sometimes but not all the time. At first I tried to intervene in that but quickly realized it is his call to make.
He is sleeping upstairs again. That was another one I just had to back away from. I moved to the guest room because of the pillow fort I’ve created to support my arm. I imagined him getting up in the middle of the night to pee and taking a tumble, so I closed my door. At least I wouldn’t hear it.
We haven’t gotten rid of the adjustable bed downstairs yet because there is still a remote chance I will need surgery, and that bed might come in handy. I was so proud of myself for getting that all set up for Dale, but now I hate it. That was the cord that tried to kill me.
We’re back to showers upstairs, but we now have grab bars and a no-slip matt. We stashed the shower seat and other medical equipment out in the garage until we decide whether to keep it, donate it or whatever.
I’ve got a couple more weeks before I see the ortho again. The worst of the pain is gone, and I’m pretty comfortable most of the time. My mood has improved significantly. I don’t expect I will require surgery and am visualizing that outcome.
I’m also visualizing myself at 80, healthy, active and strong, recalling that year I broke my arm. Was it 10 years ago already? I mean, it was awful, but now it’s just a blur. Glad it didn’t stop me!
All hail the recoverers! Yes, it’s a word….maybe. Or a furniture restoration term. At least you’re well past Send in the Clowns.
It does feel good to be past Send in the Clowns.
“One of us is on team normal, and Dale is clinically insane.” – that made me LOL. No bias right?
Glad you got a chuckle. I also liked the line about leaving the door closed so I won’t hear it if he falls.
Glad to read that things are getting better. As someone who broke a hip ten years ago, I can assure you that there will come a day when you’ll think, “Was it 10 years ago already?”
Thank you for sharing that. I mean, wow, you overcame a big one. Gives me hope and inspiration.
Donna (and Dale). Hooray! You two are making major progress.! Happy to hear of the progression. I like the idea, Donna, that you are downstairs and closing the door…maybe add ear plugs so you don’t hear anything ? Is he still game to cooking using the roller table? Do you realize it has kept your mind off the heinous news the past few weeks? I certainly don’t want to recommend breaking your bones to disconnect from the news.
I am actually in the upstairs guest bedroom. The makeshift room downstairs still has the adjustable bed but we have cleared most everything else out. He is cooking again. More on that to come.
The news is dreadful.But you are right. I can only pay attention to so much.
I would hang on to the medical equipment. It’s in the category of getting pregnant again right after you donate the crib, etc.
Another reason to get rid of it.
Recovery never goes as quickly as we’d like. You’re both on the uphill swing.
Yes on both accounts!
Despite all you’ve been through, you’ve not lost your ability to write a cracking funny line – brava Donna!
I like the sound of your manifestation mantra. I’m wondering whether to try it alongside the (extremely dull if appropriately gentle) exercise programme.
Thank you. Dull but appropriately gentle sounds like just the thing.