I intended to make cookies this weekend, but it proved a bridge too far. Rolling out the dough was tough on my broken arm, and then messing around with the royal icing made everything throb. Two nights of bad sleep was enough for me. Some were frosted, some weren’t. I froze them all and quit.
For me to even say that in my outside voice is shocking. I never quit anything until my knuckles are bleeding. But I am not the same person I was then. Maybe this is a good thing?
It’s not that I’m less capable because I’m older, I told myself. I’m less capable right now because I have an injury. Oh, sure, I felt better for a minute, but the reality is I’m less capable. Probably not forever, but here I am, stuck in the present again.
I used to get all spun up about plans gone awry, but aging has softened the blow of disappointment. There’s a cornucopia of sentiments the Stoics among us have shared to help frame the harsh turns life takes.
- It is what it is
- Shit happens
- C’est la vie
- Que sera sera
- It was meant to be
Those all seem so final to me. Like nothing good is left. My personal mantra is, “Oh, well, but…” For me, oh, well, but … captures the fatalism of things gone wrong or things you can’t control but also leaves an opportunity for something better on the horizon. To elaborate:
Oh, well, it hurt to make cookies so I had to stop, but now I have a bunch in the freezer.
Oh, well, my arm hurts, but my legs are strong and I can walk to the freezer and get a cookie.
Oh, well, I didn’t finish making the cookies, but I can certainly finish them off.
That’s a pretty good mantra I think, because it does end on a positive outcome.
I’ve found during this “surprising” aging process that it takes awhile to learn how to work within the parameters of new limitations and not get pissed off, but to just accept whatever the limitation is on any given day. Some days the limitations are small and I get excited that I have conquered Everest, only to find that I have rolled pretty far down the mountain the next day. Like “what’s up with that?!” I’m working on getting better with just rolling with it and not letting it get in the way of enjoying my life as it is, not that I don’t stop doing the suggested exercises that will supposedly help my wonky back. Kudos to you though for your “oh well, but(s)…” I’m going to use that myself. Thanks!
That really is the essence of the problem — learning to roll with it. It’s hard to give up who we were when.
I love this approach. I use something similar. Oftentimes I say ‘ I can’t do this yet’ or ‘This isn’t going to happen and I’ll try it again’. Came in really helpful when I broke my wrist last year. Perspective changes your mindset and helps you not get down on yourself.
Keep going, Donna! You’re doing great… and I can’t wait to make those chorizo muffins!
I like that approach. I always joke my tombstone is going to say, “Here lies Donna. She tried hard.”
We pulled two of those muffins out of the freezer and each had one for breakfast this morning. Dale heats them back up in the oven and then we split them down the middle and add a wee bit of butter. Damn, they are good.
Who knew the mental part of aging was the hard part? No one ever told me. I always enjoy your positivity.
I’m actually sort of a glass half-empty person, but I do my best to stay neutral or positive most of the time. I think that part is actually easier now that I’m older.
“oh well, but…” is excellent. A standard gratitude practice feels false when life/the world is being shitty. This allows an acknowledgement both of there being touch stuff to cope with and of those good/better aspects which are allowing you to cope.
It really does help me. Oh, well gives the nod to what I can’s control and the but shows me a path forward.