Let’s see. I’m angry, sad and tired. But I’m grateful for spinach. It’s truly the wonder vegetable. You can use it for a salad or add it to a bowl of soup or a pasta sauce. Craving something cheesy and delicious but trying to eat healthy? Spinach quesadilla.
And the best part is a tub lasts all week.
So, I’ve pretty much been living on spinach when I come home from being Dale’s companion and advocate at the Skilled Nursing Facility. You might recall he’s there for a fractured pelvis.
But more about me … when I get home, I eat something and struggle to stay up until 7 p.m. Rinse, lather, repeat.
In some ways, Dale is doing great. He can walk now with the walker and the Physical Therapist by his side. He’s cheerful and talkative. He got a new roommate who also hates Trump, and they’ve had some great discussions. I mean, come on, is that karma or what?
But it’s weird. The fractures are on the left. At first sitting was fine. But after almost a week in the nursing facility, his butt on the right side hurts so badly he can’t sit for more than five minutes.
I’ve been going kind of nuts helping to get this resolved. The medical system is complicated, and it’s not for the weary kind.
So far, they think it’s because he’s compensating, putting the weight on his right because the left hurts, but still, you don’t know for sure, and it’s scary. I was ready to get him out of there and back to the hospital, but that comes with baggage, too. Let’s say they find nothing else wrong and want to discharge him. He’d either have to go back to the nursing facility if they still had a spot for him or find another one or come home. And I don’t have his downstairs room set up yet.
That’s in the works, but nothing happens fast. Oh, and did I mention it’s the holidays? Pain doesn’t take a holiday, but people do. The Ortho is on vacation, and so is everyone apparently. No one else can see him right away.
In the meantime, I am pressing for an MRI, and that’s no easy task. I did finally escalate this at the Ortho’s office, and yes, tears were involved, but the supervisor called later to tell me he has an appointment next week, she set it up so the nursing facility can transport him on a gurney so he doesn’t have to sit. She spoke with the on-call doctor, who said if the pain gets worse before his appointment, then I should have him transferred to the hospital.
I feel like that’s a solid plan. Dale’s on board with it. The medical-in-laws are on board with it. Lots of people tell me Skilled Nursing Facilities are horrible, and I need to get him out as soon as possible. Yes, this one is flawed in many ways, but I believe he’s in good hands.
After a long and stressful day, I feel better knowing I got someone in his line of care (as opposed to someone I met at the gas station) to say when it’s time to go back to the hospital. They didn’t dismiss me and actually gave me information that helps clarify the decision for us. For that alone, I deserve a medal. Or at least a Jameson.
We’re going to see how he does over the next few days. They are going to try some different pain management techniques. If the pain doesn’t worsen and he continues to improve, we will try to get him home sooner rather than later. I’m lining up private help to augment what Medicare provides.
His downstairs bed comes tomorrow, and I’m also getting some grab bars installed. The guy flat on his back in the SNF scoffed at the grab bars. I said they’re really for me. Call me crazy, but I don’t want to fall down and go boom.
Oh, and while I’m dissing on Dale, I’ve been after him for years to try protein drinks. He wanted no part of them. He’s not eating well in the facility, so I suggested he ask for protein drinks. I said you can get chocolate, and they are delicious. No, no, no. Not for Mr. Dale.
Then I walked in yesterday, and he mentioned they are bringing him protein drinks in the afternoon. Like this was the first he’d heard of them. “They’re delicious!” I asked him what flavor he got, and he said chocolate. I might just leave him there.
Anyway, that’s it. I’m thinking about dinner. Something cheesy. With spinach.
Chocolate?!
Who knew?????
Donna, I’ve never commented but felt a sisterhood of BRCa with you+ your comm career. But now this has hit my heart, head and laugh track. My husband ( 40th anniversary today) fell on Christmas Eve and broke his hip. A femoral break, requiring surgery called “ the nail⚠️”. He’s 92, and this was his first surgery. OMG! The pain, the loss of function, not to mention dignity in an ortho ward at a trauma hospital. He will be at least another week in hospital with yet another holiday coming up. Then 2-4 weeks rehab. I had mentioned Dale’s fall when you wrote about it, and tomorrow I am taking him a chocolate protein drink — yes, the ones I’ve been nagging about for ages. I’ll tell him Dale thinks they’re delicious. Thanks for all the fun posts, the thoughtful observations and good luck in caregiver land.
Hi Jo — your note brought tears to my eyes. I guess we are in the same boat. Maybe let’s call it a life raft. I’m sorry about your husband’s injury. I think it’s very similar to what Dale has. At least you have the Canadian healthcare system, but then I’m just assuming that’s a good thing. And these holidays! They’ve got to go. We have work to do. Progress to make. Let’s spread the word about chocolate protein drinks. I asked what brand it was, and he said he didn’t know. They brought it in a cup. That might be the key. He’s not branded as an old guy who drinks protein drinks. Sigh.
Congrats on being a BRCA survivor! I’ve never actually met another BRCA-positive person. At least knowingly.
Thanks Donna. Yes, the healthcare system here is good — not that it couldn’t use improvements — and it is a relief to only have to worry about recovery, not bills. I did manage to convince him to try the protein drinks — lots of people recommend Boost (which sounds like a good idea in and of itself).
I’ve also gone two full rounds with Br cancer including bilateral. That was 23 years ago. It’s a club none of us wanted to join, but there’s a lot of support there. Including for husbands who have trouble staying upright!
Here’s to a much better 2026. On so, so many fronts. Maybe this will be the year that sanity starts returning to the world…
Donna, you deserve the quesadilla with plenty extra cheese and a Jameson. You are so right, pain doesn’t take a holiday…wtf are doctors thinking taking time off?! Hope his pain in the ass issue gets squared away ASAP. I was thrilled to hear he has a fabulous roomie who hates the Trump…rhymes with rump. Keep showing up, rinse, lather, repeat.
I ended up bypassing the spinach for just one night and made a burrito. At least I had homemade beans! So easy with the Instant Pot. And I slept well last night, so I’m doing much better. Yes to the Jameson. I savor it.
Even though you wrote all this, I don`t think you can SEE how much it is — how much you have done. You are a woman warrior, ongoing. Just know that.
I feel woefully inadequate, but thank you! I will trust that you are correct.
Oh Donna, my heart goes out to you as well as to Dale. I’m sorry that he’s having a hard time. I wonder about the walker. Do they make him lift it and move it and then walk? Then he’d have to put all his weight on the pelvis each time he picked it up. Ouch. That’s what they told me to do with the walker after hip surgery but that was an entirely different situation because the surgery restored full hip function immediately without pain. Still, I hated it and dumped it as soon as I got home and just used my rollator. With a rollator you can keep as much weight on it as needed all the time while you walk. Not that I know anything except what worked well for me.
Grab bars are great. Yes, you should have them, especially in the bathroom. The prior owner of our home had a disabled daughter and there are grab bars in the main bathroom tub and shower and next to the toilet. The shower has 3 grab bars which came in handy when my wonderful husband scrubbed the tiles, including the floor but, being water usage conscious did not rinse but scarcely. As the first one to use the newly cleaned shower, I took one step in and immediately went down, hitting the shin of the following leg hard across the 4” x 4” threshold and slamming my front leg, bent, right against the wall. I was able to pull myself up because I had two grab bars above and to the side of me that enabled me to do so. I grabbed the shower head (portable) and first thoroughly rinsed the walls and floors then walked around the bathroom and despite a huge bruise and swelling forming, didn’t find it hard to walk so continued on with my shower before accosting my husband (remembering to thank him first for the smash-up job (pun) he had done, cleaning the shower. A few days later he insisted on taking me to the ER, afraid that I might have a blood clot from the fall or had broken something because of the bruise and lots of swelling. His fear infected me so we went but nothing was broken and there was no blood clot (x-ray and ultrasound). I used that to put off my PCP about getting a dexa scan of my bones for awhile. Today I took another spill, putting away our little Christmas tree when I tripped over the base. Fortunately I fell on the box. Thank you box. I’m half blind because I had cataract surgery on one eye on the 16th and it now sees brilliantly but the right eye of course, does not, without glasses. However, my glasses wreak havoc on the new eye (new lens is distance but the intermediate vision is also great). The glasses are only good for really close up stuff now. I get the other eye, distance with a toric lens to take care of the astigmatism in that eye, next Tuesday and close up prescription reading glasses a month after the second surgery. So I walk around with no glasses to keep the distortion down but it’s still enough distortion obviously that I misjudged where my foot was in relation to the tree base.
I tell you this hoping that you can find the humor in it as well as stress that you can’t be too careful as you age. I’m paying more attention to the balance exercises in chair yoga now.
It WILL get better, I promise, but it’s good that you’re pushing to get every test available to make sure that there’s nothing else going on. I remember telling my husband two weeks after I had the fall that fractured my pelvis but thought it was just a bad hip bruise, that I hurt more than when I first fell. That’s what put in motion another doctor visit, the x-rays and the diagnosis. So, maybe you hurt more before you finally start hurting less. Maybe the pain is part of the bone healing process. I’m grasping at straws here. I did learn to not take ibuprofen, my pain drug of choice, as it slows the healing process. That was hard. I finally took the tramadol given me after hip surgery that I’d never used. I understand that some literature doesn’t agree with this but you can look it up and research it further if Dale is taking ibuprofen. One source: https://surgicoll.scholasticahq.com/article/124986-the-association-of-nsaid-use-and-risk-of-adverse-fracture-healing-a-systematic-review-and-meta-analysis
I’m sending healing vibes to Dale and comfort vibes to you. (I’m not California born and bred without believing in woo woo vibes.). It’s hard to push the river, especially with fractures that heal on their own time schedule laying down new bone, but the desire is definitely there.
Wishing you and Dale a much better go in 2026.
I’m not sure about anything, but I don’t think he’s lifting the walker. What he does do is pull himself up a tiny bit from the chair with his arms to take the pressure off, and while it helps in the short-term, it’s probably not the best solution.
I’m waiting on the grab bars as we speak. I don’t care if he thinks they are stupid. And your story will be retold. I had already mentioned to him that it was for me as much as it was for him, particularly since I clean the shower, and it gets slippery in there. So your experience is quite relevant.
Thanks again for your perspective. It truly helps! I just have a feeling it will get better soon. Pain is a weird thing. I was so happy I’ve been able to do this without my back kicking in, and then yesterday my back was starting to hurt. I had to talk to my brain and tell it I wasn’t going along with the plan. I am feeling my rage and don’t need to misdirect it to my back! I woke up this morning, and it feels fine.
Mind body is a big thing. A long time ago you turned me on to the Curable app which I used for a year and got me studying the entire mind body pain thing. I talk to my brain and to my spine all the time and indeed, more often than not, it makes all the difference. Thank you for that.
I would have loved to see the look on your face when you were met with the protein drink. I hope your writing about all of this is somewhat a therapeutic outlet for venting. Or maybe you just scream in your car while driving back and forth. Take care of the caregiver!
Screaming in the car is definitely my first choice! Although today I am getting a massage. I can’t wait.
Wishing you strength and perseverance in the new year. And a quick recovery for Dale.
Yes, we all need strength and perseverance, don’t we? Thanks for the good wishes.
This too shall pass, although it doesn’t feel like it, I’m sure. Glad you’re treating yourself to a massage. What is it about husbands that you tell them about great stuff like protein drinks, they ignore it until someone else mentions it, or, in my case, my husband reads about it, then acts like it’s the first time they ever heard of it?
Good for you for being a strong advocate. Tears can be useful. I hope you get some answers soon.
I almost canceled the massage but mission accomplished! It felt wonderful.
Maybe we need to outsource our advice so someone else tells them what they need to know.