When Dale first went into the Skilled Nursing Facility after fracturing his pelvis, the Physical Therapists suggested Skechers slip-ins, since tying his shoes might be difficult for several weeks to several months.
Of course, he scoffed. He’s fine with the shoes he has. Yes he is! A few days later, I talked to him again about the Skechers, and he flatly said no way. We shall not speculate on his reasons, but OK, maybe we will speculate he thinks they are for old farts who can’t bend over and tie their shoes.
The day before he was discharged, I went to visit the PT room, where he was doing his exercises and charming the ladies. The PT said, “Donna, Dale is doing great, and he wants a pair of Skechers.”
“Really?” I said. “Does he now?” Both of the PTs were laughing, so I guess they know. Dale, newly designated old fart, is now the proud owner of a nice pair of Skechers. One of the nurses said to get a half size larger, and she was right.
The trip home went great. He got in and out of the car with ease. He likes the bed! He can get up and down on his own and use the walker to get to the bathroom or the living room, but he’s at high risk for a fall right now, so we monitor his movements. His sister, Coris, is here helping, and I am so grateful. I’m worn out.
The whole set-up I spent so much time on is working out beautifully. Coris gave me a 10 out of 10 in preparation. She’s a retired nurse, so I graciously accepted her accolades. A nurse came to do the pre-assessment for what he will need in the way of physical therapy, home health care, etc. Coris spoke nurse talk to her, and that helped immeasurably. I could easily have unleashed on the poor nurse, and I didn’t. Coris sent me off to make a copy of Dale’s meds, and that was one slick move.
Tomorrow a physical therapist and an occupational therapist are supposed to call and set up an arrival time for his first visit. Once we know how that works, then I will make other plans that include fun time for me.
We did have to modify my award-winning set-up just a tad. The bathroom is small, but we learned the hard way it does not easily accommodate me, Dale, a walker and an open shower door. We were doing a practice run for a shower, and we had to slide around like one of those puzzles with all the squares to get out.
Once we were liberated, a neighbor came to remove the bathroom door, and that gave us much more room to navigate the space.
The shower has grab bars, but Dale was not confident at this point. As it happens, Medicare provided a commode, which has a bowl, but you can take the bowl off and set the whole thing over the toilet. It raises the seat and has arms for stability. I bought a shower seat that swivels so Dale could sit down and swivel to the direction of the water without actually moving.
The only problem is his butt. The fracture is on the left, but it turns out the most significant pain is on the right. He saw the doctor right before he was discharged, and that pain on the right is a hematoma, and not a small one. It’s significant tissue damage, and the doc said it will just take time to feel better and heal. Coris calls it hamburger butt, because that tissue is so chewed up by trauma. Dale calls it hamburger helper.
Sitting in general is a problem, and he’s not yet ready to try the shower stool because it doesn’t have arms. We moved the commode in there because he can sit on that and use his arms to prop himself up a bit and take some of the pressure off.
There’s also a small step up into the shower, and he wasn’t ready to try that. We figure the PT and the OT will help us devise a good shower scheme, but Dale was pretty funky and needed to be hosed off ASAP.
Here’s what we did. I stripped down to my underwear and got in the back of the shower. Coris placed the commode inside the shower. We left the shower door open. Dale got onto the commode and left his feet hanging outside the shower. Coris stripped down to a t-shirt and undies and lined the bathroom floor with towels. Then we got to work. She saved his private parts for me, and she took care of his legs and feet.
It was messy, but it worked, and Dale was a happy camper. I feel certain he will quickly upgrade to the swivel seat and eventually standing with the grab bars. But we worked with what we had. It was actually hilarious and should have been televised.
We don’t want him moving around at night because of the fall risk. He and I agreed to keep our phones by the bed and his instructions are to call me if he needs anything. Sure enough, he’s called me every effing night, but they were legitimate things, and I think we’re working through that. I never had kids, but I kind of feel like a new mom waiting until I can sleep through the night.
Dale is doing better every day. He’s reducing his heavy duty pain meds and supplementing with Advil, per the doctor’s instructions. Once we have a schedule, I want to hire a mini-me to watch over him while I go out and play golf or otherwise goof off. I’m a better caregiver than anyone expected, including me, but I don’t like it.
There, I said it.
What a journey. I so appreciate everyone’s good wishes. Thank you! Long-lost friends, casual acquaintances, golf buddies, family and blog followers have all reached out to help us during this time, and it makes you realize a good life means you take care of each other when you can.
Dinner tonight is a Maine-thing his sister is making for Dale. She baked beans and bread yesterday, and they were delicious, but today they make sandwiches of cold beans and butter on untoasted bread. I am going with Plan B. Not sure what that is at this point, but I can’t quite take bean sandwiches.
YOU’VE GOT THIS!
Maybe.
Just one little thing; when I couldn’t tie my shoes, I bought some elastic shoe laces on the Amazon. They turn any shoes into slip-ons. Now that I don’t need them, I don’t want to let them go and I still have them in all my casual shoes
I bought those too before I had hip replacement surgery, for my Hoka’s. Absolutely loved them and I’m not sure why I didn’t buy another set when I bought my replacements (which were a different color).
That’s a good idea. He has already said the Skechers are temporary.
I just tried another pair of those laces and am pleased. The brand was Bread, for whatever reason.
I’m rolling in the floor; the images are still running through my mind. 😂
It was quite the image.
It sounds like you did a smash-up job of preparing for Dale’s return and that between you and Dale’s sister, you’ve definitely got a handle on things. Here’s hoping you get some respite time for yourself soon. It’s definitely necessary for sanity and to avoid burnout. I’ll bet that Dale’s recovery will speed up, just being home again. Thinking positive thoughts for all of you!
Thank you. Dale isn’t sitting in the Ekornes, but his sister is, and she has all kinds of back problems. She loves the pillow you recommended! I’m happy about that, because I need to be nice to the help. I am feeling burned out, but I’m working on getting a mini-me for Mondays and Wednesdays. That’s when I will be out having fun!
I can understand your comment about feeling like a new mom – the size of your baby makes it a lot more difficult though! I hope you make sure that you get your “me” time in. You’ll need it even more now that he’s home. But really – Congratulations on your logistics results!
You made me laugh. My baby is definitely harder to handle. Now that things are getting a bit more settled, I’m working on my “me” time.
Oh goodness, this remains me of my bilateral hip replacement. I feel for Dale and you. Thank god for your sis in law the nurse. Kudos Donna for an A+ performance. Respite time with Jameson is in order!
I understand this pelvic fracture is similar to a hip replacement. I’ve been savoring my Jameson.
And here I thought the Maine dinner was gonna be lobster.
If only. Although she did bring two Maine russet potatoes with her and made french fries last night. She makes exceptional fries.
Donna, thank you for sharing this journey in the midst of all you both are dealing with. My spouse fell hard on his back during a walk early last year, and has been months recovering, which has shaken us both. Reading about Dale’s relatively minor fall, and what it led to, has given me another significant shake up on how our aging bodies really do become fragile, in spite of all the exercise we (spouse and I) consistently put them through.
So I thank you, very sincerely, again.
I’m sorry your husband had a bad fall, too. This recovery business is a bear. Although I wouldn’t call a pelvic fracture minor, I guess everything is relative. You are so right about our aging bodies. We don’t bounce like we used to.
His fall was primarily bad bone bruising, and he did not need to leave our home, but recovery has been very slow. After six months of slow recovery he is back up to about six miles of walking, but still much slower than before the fall. And he now uses a walking stick for added stability when we do go on our long walks, or really any time he is out and about. Scared him silly, and me as well.
Caregiving is tough no matter how much you love the person. Glad you’re looking into getting help so you can get away. My friend hires a caregiver four hours a day on the weekdays and six on the weekends. Her situation has been going on for over two years now and will continue.
I’m going to do 8 hours on Mondays and 8 hours on Wednesdays for starters. That will get me back into golf at least. After two years, I’ll be ready for 24/7.
It fabulous to see you’ve been able to keep your humorous observations through this ordeal. And it’s lovely to hear you’ve had a village to help in many ways (removing the bathroom door – brilliant). I hope each day things continue to get better and better.
It really does take a village. Even my MAGA neighbor has been great. We were talking in the driveway, and he said we just have to let go of all the noise and focus on being kind to each other.
Having been offline for a few weeks, I have been reading – aghast – at what has befallen Dale and you. I know from first hand how hard it is to advocate for someone, and then to have to care for them yourself. I take my hat off to you that you’ve been able to write with humour, and to organise with such a high degree of competence and efficiency, in the face of all this high level of stress. Your shower story reminded me of an occasion when I ended up in a three-way dance with my sister-in-law and father when trying to get him back into the car at the end of an exhausting hospital visit. We were rescued by a wonderful (and magnificently bossy) passing medical professional, ending up in giggles in the car on the way home. It’s still one of my most loved memories. I hope the shower becomes one of yours & Dale’s.
Enjoy the golf (and any other “me” pastimes you can arrange). It’s a LOT easier to do the caring stuff when you’ve had the respite. Take good care Donna.
I’m happy to hear from you! Yes, lots happened while you were gone. Ha Ha. We are doing well and getting better all the time. I mean, you know as you get older this is out there coming for you, but you’re never really ready for it. I do believe the shower scene will become one of our most loved memories. It was hilarious. Like trying to give Flipper a shower in your house.