I’ll say one thing about a family crisis – it diverts your attention away from the news. I’m still aware of all the terrible things going on, but it’s a blur. I seriously do not have the bandwidth to make myself miserable over all that, too.
Dale is doing absolutely great. If I’m counting correctly, it has been 36 days since the accident, and he has been home 11 full days. He can now get in and out of bed without assistance, dress himself, use the bathroom and brush his teeth. He still needs a little help with the shower, but it’s way easier than the fiasco of his first night home.
I bought a caddy that attaches to the walker, and he uses that for trips back and forth to the kitchen. It even has a strap to secure a cup of coffee. We’re trying to get him used to doing as much as he can for himself. Some would say that’s because it’s best for Dale, but I promised to tell the truth here, and I am encouraging his independence mostly because it’s best for Donna.
In reality, mutual independence is best for both of us.
I made a list of all the daily actions, and we went through it together and figured out how to eliminate things I specifically have to do. A simple thing like keeping all his devices charged was solved with an extension cord (safely out of tripping range) and a power strip.
Dale started PT, which he loved, but then the PT was a no-show today. I guess because of the holiday, but this guy is a professional – it’s his job to make sure we’re all clear on when he is and isn’t coming. Dale is doing a few extra laps around the house, but that hardly makes up for the guided exercises.
In the middle of all this, Dale had a hang-nail like thing on his finger that was becoming discolored, so we made a run to the urgent care. He did really well with the car ride and the transfers and all that. It was infected, so it’s a good thing we went. The doctor drained it and put him on antibiotics. If it’s not one thing, it’s three.
His sister is here until Wednesday. She has been an absolute lifeline, but it will be good when we get our space back. I think she’s ready to go, too.
You would be surprised how hard it is for three people to agree on what to have for dinner or what to watch on TV. I don’t think I’m being judgmental when I say she has odd dietary preferences. I won’t say her foods can’t touch ever, but she definitely prioritizes distinct parcels of protein, vegetable and starch.
As for TV, she and Dale ganged up on me and voted for Cheers and Mash reruns. Dark times.
One night we watched The Monuments Men. What a great movie and so timely. It follows an Allied group of fine arts specialists tasked to find and save pieces of art and other culturally important items before Nazis destroy or steal them during World War II.
The very beginning of the movie has a quote that I later looked up because I think we’re headed in this direction. I mean, some of it is already happening.
“You can wipe out an entire generation, you can burn their homes to the ground and somehow they’ll still come back. But if you destroy their achievements and their history then it’s as if they never existed.”
On a much more banal note, I’m going to play golf Wednesday and hopefully with some regularity after that. My hair has gone native, so I scheduled a haircut for later this week. I’m comfortable leaving Dale unchaperoned. At least I think I am.
I carefully weighed whether to hire a home health aide. At this point, the only real job is babysitting. Well, that’s not fair. Let’s call it monitoring Dale to make sure he’s not doing anything stupid and possibly assisting with light housework. As I understand it, the people who do this work are relatively low-skilled and without credentials that might keep them from going rogue. I have no personal connections, so it’s luck of the draw.
While I’m sure there are some very fine people in the queue, it’s easier to skip it. Dale is further along that I thought he’d be at this point. I can handle the housework. I did most of it before anyway, so it’s just a little extra. If I can get out for walks, golf and self-care appointments, I’ll be fine.
Thank you for all the warm wishes, good vibes, prayers and other words of wisdom. Call me crazy, but I think it’s working.
Almost like a test run for assisted living. Now that’s a scary thought. Get out and golf while you can.
That’s a gloomy thought. I did play 9 holes, but it was cold, and I quit at the turn. Dale was fine by himself. The PT had him practicing walking up and down the driveway.
I love that you are being honest (not that I’d expect anything else from you). Caregiving isn’t fun no matter how much we love the person needing assistance. It sounds like you two are doing great and Dale is making a good recovery. It helps when you can see progress and can look forward to life getting back to normal (or, as normal as it can these days). Enjoy your haircut and golf… it’s good to feel engaged again.
It has only been six weeks, and his progress is amazing. We went to the grocery store today. We planned the whole thing out — like yogurt is in the back of the store, so that add distane. Stuff I never used to think about. We are getting back to some of our routines.
So glad to hear he’s progressing so well! And glad also to hear you’re able to get out and do some things for you. I recall when my hubby was recovering from knee surgery, I worried about leaving him alone…because he would most probably do something stupid and hurt his recovery. But I had to also remind myself, he’s a big boy and needs to be responsible to himself. But, I do hope the forward progress continues.
I read your comment right before going out for golf, and it really helped me calm down. Thank you. He IS a big boy, and I can’t save him if he chooses to be stupid. The good news is all went well. It was a hard lesson, and he does not want to go backward.
I agree Donna, the last time I was totally disconnected from the wider world was when taking care of my father (with heart trouble & two types of dementia) at home, while working a full-time job.
Of course the fear of leaving Dale is that he’ll do something silly, or push too hard and do himself harm, but he doesn’t have any cognitive impairment so he really needs to get that if he doesn’t behave sensibly and responsibly, he’s not just impacting on his well-being but on yours too. That’s a tricky one to get across as I am know (going through it with Himself atm). My chiropractor actually swore out loud and very colourfully when he discovered why I was back early, and even offered to kick Himself’s butt to get the point across!
Disturbing quote from ‘Monument Men’ so I hope you’ve got lots of golf scheduled to divert you.
I had the talk with him about his decisions impacting me, and I think he gets it. I’m not saying I was harsh, but I spelled it out clearly. Like what his options are if I say this isn’t working for me anymore. We are lucky he doesn’t have cognitive impairment or any kind of damage to the head or brain from the fall. He has actually been pretty great and is making huge progress.
I’m so glad that Dale is progressing so well! I’m a little late in getting to my emails, so by now I hope that you have had some time to golf and decompress. It should just get better and better as he heals. Hopefully, going forward, he will think twice about doing iffy things. Unfortunately, as we age, we just aren’t as agile and strong as we used to be but in our heads we think that we are. Or at least that’s been my problem, and I’ve had to learn that more than once.
Should have read the comments first. I see that you did get in a bit of golf. Hopefully next time it won’t be as cold. We’re expecting snow tomorrow through Saturday but not in a dangerous way that so much of the US will experience over the coming weekend. We need the moisture so we’re looking forward to it.
So glad to hear Dale is doing so well. I gave my husband a detailed account of what he’s been through after his accident. Two years ago while I was at PT, my husband hurt his back while cleaning the septic tank lid,which he has done for years, and had to crawl back into the house. Thankfully though it required a trip to the ER and a realignment of our schedule for six weeks or so while he recovered, he didn’t have to experience what you guys have been through. I’ve tried to make it clear that he should avoid dangerous tasks when I’m not here, and while I’m very sorry for your plight, I think the reinforcement of hearing about what Dale has been experiencing (we have a pull-down ladder in our garage that is a source of contention) may be giving him something to consider, so tell Dale thanks for the unintentional PSA. Oh, and now we have a guy that cleans that lid for $50 which is worth every penny!