It has been a rough few months at our house. Dale fractured his pelvis in December, I broke my arm in January and just as both of us were recovering, Dale seems to have torn his meniscus. The medical system sucks in case you didn’t know, so a week ago he was told to rest and ice and not put any weight on it and wait for the MRI – which isn’t until next week.
The whole thing has been one big stress bomb, so I decided to shop around for a better way to cope with the challenges life throws at us. I’m 70, Dale turns 77 this month, and I don’t suppose this will get any easier. I keep wishing we could go back, that somehow this didn’t happen and certainly won’t happen again.
It turns out we can’t bend the universe to our will. I’ve spent a lot of time brooding about that. I wanted to explore a different perspective, but self-help books mostly annoy me. The chat bot recommended The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman.
It’s a pretty good book, scholarly but humorous, although I still haven’t finished it. The chapter on the Stoics spoke to me as nothing previously had. Burkeman says Stoicism was invented in ancient Greece but perfected in Rome. I am a complete novice, so before you read any further, please accept my apologies if I got it all wrong.
Up until now, I didn’t have a guiding philosophy, Greek, Roman or otherwise. I took Philosophy 101 in college, and it appears that didn’t stick. If I had to guess, I’d say if anything, I was an Enlightened Hedonist … someone who pursues pleasure but is guided by reason, foresight and self-awareness.
There’s some overlap between Enlightened Hedonism and Stoicism, so it’s not like I have to ditch one for the other. But as I see it, the Hedonists are not really there for you when the chips are down. Stoicism helps you develop calmness in the face of trying circumstances.
The big wake up call for me was that being a Stoic doesn’t mean we have to be the miserable grin-and-bear-it type. Ideally, a practicing Stoic is joyful. Tranquil. We can pursue pleasure. We can have nice things. We just can’t define ourselves by those things or get too attached.
Tranquility is the ultimate goal. Not fiery electrocutions of happiness. Stoics believe tranquility is achieved by using the human power of reason to develop a calm indifference to whatever happens in life. It’s not about outcomes or whether something is good or bad.
The Burkeman book cites this example :
“A relative’s illness is bad only in the view of your belief that it’s a good thing for your relatives not to be ill. Millions of people after all get ill every day and we have no beliefs whatsoever about most of them and consequently don’t feel distressed … if you didn’t judge a relative’s illness to be bad, would be you distressed by it? The judgment is within our control.”
Whew – this stuff gets deep, and I’m just scratching the surface. To start, I memorized the four pillars of Stoicism and think about them throughout the day. Wisdom, courage, discipline and justice. The original Stoics used the word temperance for what we now call discipline or moderation.
I might reflect and ask myself, what is bothering me? What was I expecting to happen? Were those expectations within my control? How can I use the pillars to shape a better response and stay tranquil?
The original Stoics such as Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus are profound, and it will take years for me to read and fully appreciate their works. I’m reading bits of their stuff already, but I wanted beginner’s introduction, so I’m reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine.
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday is another book that is often recommended. I’m on the waiting list at the library.
Yes, life is messy. I’m learning that the Stoic response is not about pretending everything is OK. It about trying to separate facts from the self-induced suffering caused by any number of emotions, including anger, selfishness or fear. The question becomes, “What part of my suffering comes from demanding that reality be different from what it currently is?”
Stoicism doesn’t ask you to like it, it just wants you to accept, adjust and do the next necessary thing.
What you are saying about Stoicism reminds me so much of Buddhism, I had to ask AI about the similarities.
When I lived in Ann Arbor I twice took a dealing with stress series at the Buddhist Temple in town. It was so helpful the first time, when I encountered another stressful period, I repeated it. And I’m basically a lifetime member of Headspace. I don’t do much meditating per se, but I wouldn’t miss Andy Prudhomme’s daily dharma talk that precedes the 6 minutes I’ve chosen to meditate, for anything. I carry what I learn from the dharma talks into the next day since I do the practice late at night before bedtime. I don’t consider myself a Buddhist but I find their philosophy helpful in my life.
AI Overview
Stoicism and Buddhism are remarkably similar practical philosophies. Both originated independently in ancient times (Athens and India) with the ultimate goal of overcoming suffering and achieving inner peace.
Key similarities include:
The Dichotomy of Control: Both systems teach that we cannot control external events, but we can control our reactions to them. Stoics separate things into “up to us” vs. “not up to us,” while Buddhists emphasize letting go of attachments to unpredictable outside forces.
Focus on the Present: Both traditions stress living mindfully in the present moment to avoid unnecessary anxiety about the future or rumination over the past.
Virtuous & Ethical Living: Both advocate for highly structured ethical paths. Stoics practice the four cardinal virtues (Wisdom, Courage, Justice, Temperance), while Buddhists follow the Noble Eightfold Path.
Mindfulness and Mental Discipline: Both philosophies utilize meditative practices to observe the mind, allowing practitioners to recognize and detach from harmful emotions like anger, grief, and greed.
To dive deeper into how these two traditions intersect and diverge, you can read more on the Daily Stoic Guide to Stoicism & Buddhism or explore Classical Wisdom’s Overview.
It seems as though everyone around me is talking about Stoicism. I myself picked up a book titled “Stoicism 101”. I think it must be a sign of the times that we just can’t fathom what is happening in our world and that every day something new happens that’s even worse than the day before. If this is the way we have to deal with it to get our heart beating at the right rate, so be it. We know it is the strategy of the current administration to keep us overwhelmed, exhausted and upset, so what if we didn’t?
Not saying it’s all Greek to me….wait….yes I am saying that.
I can also highly recommend Pema Chodron, who is my go-to. She has a whole ass book titled “When Things Fall Apart.”