Exercise for introverts

A chair yoga room of one’s own.

A guy I play golf with took it upon himself to share his thoughts about my personality.

He said I seemed intelligent and independent, but I was aloof and didn’t show enough interest in other people. I need to ask more questions, he said, if I want people to like me. I just nodded.

Hmmm, so not interested in your thoughts on this subject.

For the record, I’ve never been a social animal, just a few close friends, but people seem to like me well enough … as in not universally despised. That’s a distinction I’m rather proud of.

My buddy is extroverted, randomly chats up people on the golf course and asks a million questions, some kind of personal, and although I find it annoying, it’s not a deal-breaker. As an introvert, I try to avoid the talkers, but somehow we started playing together regularly. He’s a decent fellow, and I don’t want to work all that hard to find someone new.

I actually did play with someone new this week and thought, what the hell? Ask a question. The problem is questions lead to answers, and if you get a talker, sometimes those answers are more than you bargained for. Then there’s always the possibility of sliding down that slippery slope to conversation.

Seems like I prefer exercise without conversation. I suppose that’s why I’m drawn to swimming and long walks alone.

Anyway, my buddy and I are supposed to play again next week, and I’m hoping he’ll have moved onto the next person to fix. I’m not going to apologize for being an introvert. As always, I try to be a pleasant and encouraging partner. No temper tantrums. A laugh, a smile, a thumbs up. Great putt! Wow, you smoked that drive!

Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy people. Let’s get a beer afterward, and you can talk all you want.

I don’t know why he felt compelled to share all that, but in the end, I’m glad he did. In a strange way, it was validating. As I reflected on his comments, I’d say he wasn’t far off on my personality assessment. The part he got wrong was thinking I should do something to change it.

Feeling comfortable in your old flawed skin is one of the great pleasures of aging.

Chair Yoga

Yet another great pleasure is discovering something new that makes you happy. A recent addition to my happiness bucket is chair yoga. It feels good mentally and physically, and it’s reducing my back and leg pain.

I did the 7-day free trial at YogaVista.tv and tested a variety of YouTube videos. I liked Yoga Vista a lot, but one of the instructors had a voice that reminded me of anesthesia, so I didn’t renew. I looked for similar sites that had a wide selection of chair yoga practices but couldn’t find any.

After a week or so of random YouTube videos, I decided Yoga Vista was a better deal and signed up for $9.99 a month. There are lots of instructors, so I can easily avoid the drip, drip, drip of anesthesia voice.

While gentle is not a word typically associated with me, I am trying to take the less is more approach to this new endeavor. My goal is to stick with it forever and watch myself grow stronger and more flexible over time. Some of the workouts also address balance, which is important, because we don’t bounce like we used to.

I still attend the in-person class at my health club when I can, but I also set up an area in our guest bedroom, where I can take my laptop and follow the instructors on the screen. I like to think of it as a chair yoga room of one’s own, except I share it with the occasional guest and Dale’s war books. The cat seems quite mesmerized by the whole thing.

Some of the chair exercises are sitting and some are standing, using the chair for support. I have just enough room to accommodate all the movements.

Kind of perfect for an introvert, don’t you think?

Art to the rescue

Although I generally like the way I look, aging and all, I couldn’t stand staring into my face every time I clicked on the blog’s homepage. And then it repeated on all the other pages! It was too much. After tinkering with WordPress for quite some time, I gave up and posted a sample of my pallet art, which is now plastered across all the pages but is infinitely more pleasing to my eye.

Above is Number 32. This time I experimented with the paint and went with something less than opaque. Also, peace! I mean, why can’t we have nice things? I thought I would rotate them as I create new pieces.

There was a guy at work, George, who thought he was all that and a bag of chips. Rising gloriously from behind his desk was a giant and quite excellent painting of his own work, and I thought a guy who would do that has an ego that can’t be killed with a stake through the heart. I actually have a wobbly ego, but art makes me feel good, so I kind of get where he was coming from. Creating art gives you a sense of validation you may not find on the job or in the mirror.

I’m grateful to have discovered artistic passion in retirement. I’m such a beginner, but I confess that recently I got a little cocky and purchased fancy paper and sketching pencils to see if I could broaden my horizons. I’m glad I did it, because I learned that sketching can be fun and helps me with designs for my woodburning art, but it’s the wood that keeps me coming back.

While I’m no great artist, I find joy in taking scraps someone tossed and transforming them into something else. Anything I do to them is an improvement, so I can just let it rip. I have quite a collection now, and my house is like the Island of Misfit Pallets. In a way, we have rescued each other.

My father was a creative dabbler who was always trying to make a buck and repeatedly failed at various entrepreneurial ventures. From importing jewelry to making metal replicas of social security cards, they all flopped. I find it interesting he was most successful at rescuing paper scraps from his job in a bindery and making scratch pads, which he sold at swap meets in Southern California.

Sometimes it’s right there in front of you.

Gratitude and expectations

The gold mining ghost town of Bodie.
A peek inside one of Bodie’s abandoned homes.

It occurred to me I’m entering my sixth year of retirement, and it seems like it gets better every year. I still rather like the image of me as a slightly eccentric Bohemian heiress who dabbles in what amuses her. Although I am of Bohemian stock, nothing in my lineage includes money, so sadly, I had to earn my little nest egg.

Although I always had creative drive and longed to be a free agent, writing and puttering as I pleased, I didn’t have the will to live in poverty, as is so often the case with idealistic free agents. Instead, I chose a life of working for the man until there was enough to retire, and now I can dabble to my heart’s delight. Some of my jobs were pretty darned good and some sucked, but now I’m glad I stayed the course.

I’m reminded of a woman I use to work with. I made director before she did and was included in a variety of events for “directors and above.” When she wasn’t invited to said events, she’d say, “Another year of being a nobody.” She eventually got promoted and is presumably happy being somebody. I don’t miss all that faux specialness and have settled quite nicely into being a nobody.

While I do believe in the power of positive thinking, I also think there’s a case for not wanting too much. Not everything has to be bigger, faster, stronger or better in every way. For example, I’m a decent golfer, but I tell myself it’s OK to just play. Sometimes you will play well and sometimes you will not.

Hit the ball, hit the ball again. That’s my new mantra.

I also love word games and can be quite competitive. I quit playing Wordle for a few weeks because I was so angry I lost a game. I’m back to playing and have a nice streak going, but before I play, I tell myself, “You will lose. Accept it.” Somehow preparing for less than stellar results keeps me grounded.

Which brings me to Ray Wylie Hubbard, the renowned Texas musician. One of his notable songs is Mother Blues, a song where he and his guitar tell a richly layered life story. It’s such a cool song, and the last lines are pretty powerful.

And the days that I keep my gratitude

Higher than my expectations

Ah! Well, I have really good days

That’s kind of where I’m at.

In other news, Dale and I took a little overnight road trip to Bodie, CA, a state historic park and famous gold mining ghost town in the High Sierra’s. Like 8,000 feet high. From our house, we drove almost to South Lake Tahoe on the western side of the Sierra’s and then turned off to cross a high pass that takes you to the eastern side. I’m geographically challenged, so I hope I’m explaining this correctly. In any event, the scenery was spectacular.

The closest town is Bridgeport, and then it’s another 30 minutes to Bodie – the last 10 miles on an unpaved road. There’s a short window of opportunity to see Bodie because the road is closed most of the year due to snow.     

The park is in the state of “arrested decay.” Homes and commercial businesses still stand with the remnants of furniture and goods inside. You can wander freely and peek through the windows, and see what was left when the town was abandoned. It’s pretty amazing.

The gold there was not panned from rivers like you see in the movies. It was hard rock mining, where gold was extracted from quartz they dug out of the mountains. There’s a huge mill that crushes the rocks, much of which is still standing.

We spent the night at an inn in Bridgeport. There was a restaurant inside, but it was sort of high-end dining, and we weren’t really in the mood. Instead, we walked across the street and had burgers and beer. We haven’t been out to eat much since the pandemic and the prices were rather surprising. Cheeseburger for $16. However, it was a great burger, I’ll give them that.

Both of us enjoy these short trips. We had a great time, but even after one night away, I can’t wait to get home. We are planning more, especially since I’ve finally come to terms with Covid and am now thinking of the risk as something like the flu. I’ll get my shots every year and take reasonable precautions when the numbers are high, but by and large, I’m going back to business as usual.

Practicing creativity

Number 30

I had a birthday … 67 and damned glad to see it. We did the usual. I made coconut layer cake and helped Dale make my favorite mushroom and Italian sausage lasagna with red pepper tomato sauce. It takes the two of us most of the day to make it.

We each had a piece of cake, and the rest went into the freezer. We’ll see how long it lasts there! I made a vow to quit eating candy, mostly jelly beans and my all-time favorite, Bottle Caps (a Wonka product).

But I did not give up sugar completely – just trying to be more sensible about the whole thing. I figure a piece of cake or pie now and then is an essential and joyous part of life, but lying in bed with a book and a bowl of compressed dextrose is unnecessary.

Tonight is another run at lasagna, and then it’s off to the freezer for him. The last piece usually goes down around January. For two people who love to cook and eat, plenty of freezer space is a gift.  

I was feeling out of sorts about the creative activities that fuel my retirement and spent some time reflecting on why I continue to beat myself up for not doing more or being better at it. I think it goes back to childhood – wanting to be seen and heard by parents who were largely absent. There’s this drive to succeed at all costs, but the true cost is the toll it takes on my self-esteem because I’m mostly disappointed in the outcome.

As I was browsing around looking for a lifeline, I stumbled on an article by Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote, Eat, Pray Love, a book I could hardly get through. There’s also a notable TED talk on the same subject. All of it relates to her book called Big Magic. My library had it, so I hopped on over there, killed it with my library card and dragged it home, whereupon I found my spot on the comfy couch and spent the day reading.

The book was published in 2015, but it was new to me, and I loved it. It is hands-down the best thing I’ve read about creativity and how to deal with the frustrations of fear, expectations, success, failure – all the little demons that try to drag us down.   

In one of my favorite passages, she compared being creative to having a border collie. She said you have to give it something to do or it will find something to do, and you will not like the thing it finds to do.

“A creative mind is exactly the same. My experience with having a creative mind is that if I don’t give it a task, a ball to chase, a stick to run after, some ducks to herd, I don’t know, something, it will turn on itself. It’s really important for my mental health that I keep this dog running. So give your dog a job, and don’t worry about whether the outcome is magnificent or eternal, whether it changes people’s lives, whether it changes the world, whether it changes you, whether it’s original, whether it’s groundbreaking, whether it’s marketable. Just give the dog a job, and you’ll have a much happier life, regardless of how it turns out.”

I know there are a lot of creative dabblers out there – if you need some positive reinforcement, I highly recommend this book. I should probably just go ahead and buy it in case I need a booster shot. It was exactly the medicine I needed to keep this dog running.

Which leaves me with my latest piece of woodburning art. You got a peek at this earlier, when I burned in a couple of the golfing cats. I like it, but I don’t love it yet. However, it’s early in our courtship. I wasn’t even going to share it, but after reading the book, I said, who cares if it isn’t perfect, put it out there. You can see the details better in the image I uploaded to the gallery.

Just keep practicing creativity. Give the dog a job.

Trust issues

I shuffled Dale off to Maine yesterday. The idea of Covid travel stressed me out, so I elected not to go, but then I had “cancellation remorse.” By the time I was semi-comfortable with the idea of going, it was too late.

Hmmm. Too late. How convenient.

My sister-in-law was incredibly understanding when I apologized for canceling and called myself out for overreacting. She said, “You are not overreacting. You are just taking appropriate precautions. I am immune-compromised, but I have not had my medical blinker on for possible death more than once like you have.”

She’s referring to my diagnosis of ovarian cancer in 1999 and breast cancer in 2015. She gets it. Right? She’s not just saying that to be nice?

It’s not that my immune system hasn’t recovered; it most certainly has. I don’t trust that something won’t get me again. Staring down cancer twice changes you, and I’ve decided to accept I will always be influenced by those experiences. I’m not crazy.

Dale, who was an absolute saint getting me through my illnesses seems to think I’m invincible. Like, what could stop me now? Covid schmovid! He said he was perfectly OK with whatever I decided, but methinks that was a wee bit of bullshit. He wanted me to go, and I wanted to go, but in the end, I made the best decision I could for my particular neurosis.

By coincidence, my key word of the year is trust. I didn’t make a formal announcement as other bloggers do, because I didn’t trust that it mattered or that I would even care about it six months later. Here we are at the mid-point of the year, and I would say I hit the mark with this one.

Let’s just say I have trust issues.

I want to trust others more and not assume I know what they think or what they are going to do … as in Nostradonna predicts. Getting out of the prediction business would be a good start. I cannot read minds! I also want to trust myself more and not always question or ruminate over all my decisions.

And so it has come to pass – I am reasonably happy with the decision I made, and I have a week or so to enjoy being at home by myself. Before he left, Dale said he always enjoys it when I go away, so we’re on the same page in that regard. I’ve actually never been in this house by myself, and so far, it’s kind of nice. Just me and the kitty, who I believe is mourning Dale’s absence and looks at me like I’m spoiled cat food.

But after a week of me piling extra kibble into his bowl, I believe we might be friends.

No big party plans. I played golf yesterday, but it was exceptionally hot, and I wanted to save myself for Wednesday’s league play, so I quit after nine holes. This is progress. The last time Dale went somewhere, we were living in Texas, it was exceptionally hot, and I quit after 27 holes, but only because I was throwing up.

But that’s the old Donna. The new, retired version is much smarter. Prudent, shall we say. I will swim or do my deep water running today, but that’s about it. Trying to stay hydrated.

One fun activity was tidying up the freezer. Dale saves little plastic-wrapped globs of pork and chicken fat for various dishes, and he just tosses them in the freezer willy-nilly. I guess he knows where they are, and I try not to mess with his space, except it’s my space, too. This morning I scooped them all up and put the individual globs in a Ziplock.

Oh, and orphaned sesame seed buns sealed with twist ties in their original bags. I found a home of them in the Land of Zips, and they seem much happier there, hanging out together in a neat little package.

I’m imagining Dale’s return and the eventual discussion about the fat globs not being where they were. How buns last longer in their original bags. Where are the used twist ties? We’re using too much plastic.

But I’m making this up.

Why cats golf

One of my golf buddies worked at the course as a volunteer in exchange for playing privileges. But then he got uppity and got fired. As he shared the story with me, I realized I’m probably unemployable at this point. Not that I’m uppity, but my bullshit meter is pegged. Oh, and my inside voice is now my outside voice. You can see where this is going.

Lucky me! While I salute those who want and/or need to keep working, I was born to retire. People ask what we do all day. Like working for the man is all there is. Don’t they know there’s a whole life beyond what we do or did for a living? I’m not saying I’m productive, but my dance card is full.

As I wrote on my About Me profile, “My full-time job is to take care of myself, be kind to others, enjoy simple pleasures and indulge in creative pursuits. I especially like to play golf, walk, swim, cook, read, write, watch TV, listen to music, make art and grow cannabis.”

Deep Water Running

I’ve added a couple of new things. In addition to regularly swimming laps, I now do what is called deep water running. In this exercise, one wears a floatation belt and mimics jogging. Your head is above water, and your feet don’t touch the bottom. You do travel a bit, but it’s easy to maneuver to keep yourself in roughly the same area.

It’s great because it’s something you can do in your backyard pool. The downside is that it’s kind of boring. However, I’ve noticed a huge improvement in my chronic lower back pain. I don’t know if it’s strengthening my core or what, but I must figure out a way to keep this up all year. It’s that good.   

There are other exercises you can do in the deep end, and I’m beginning to explore those. I tried cross-country skiing, but that one seems to aggravate an old knee injury. So, he got chopped.

If you’re going to try this out, my suggestion is to go slow. No more than 10 minutes at first to see which body parts react. With running, I did feel a reaction in my back at first, but it wasn’t pain. It was more like muscle fatigue, but that has passed.

Learning to draw

My last piece of art motivated me to try and get better at drawing. For many years, I’ve said if I could draw, I’d draw cats golfing. Sure, there’s the lingering question about why cats golf, but it’s also a thing I have … a fixation.

Surprisingly, the art world is largely devoid of golfing cats. Finally, I said, well, shit, I guess I’ll just have to teach myself.

I started with the Ben Hogan classic book, The Modern Fundamentals of Golf, which is finely illustrated. I practiced drawing the humans and then tried to convert them to cats. I also Googled golf clip art and copied some of those positions. It’s still hit or miss, but I find this activity disturbingly satisfying.

For next steps, I ordered a book from Amazon on how to draw cats. A bit of professional help, as it were. You would be shocked by the huge selection! My tribe is out there … I just haven’t found them yet. I’m also trying to translate the drawing to my woodburning. It’s hard to get the detail, so I’ve had to make some accommodations.

Overall, I have a lot to learn about drawing. I’m not sure where to start. There are boatloads of books and websites on the subject, and it’s a bit overwhelming. I’m thinking basics. Special pencils? Paper?

As with all things retirement and maybe life if I had to do it all over again, I think it’s important to resist the impulse to seek quantifiable results and simply enjoy the experience of seeing how it all unfolds.

Finding your inner artist

My friend, Carole, is an amazing artist. Her house is filled with all kinds of creations using different mediums, different techniques. She casts a wide net when it comes to art. I love it all, but my favorite is what you see in the pictures above. Paper mache (or papier-mâché for you fancy folks).

I didn’t even know it was possible to do what she does. I’m a novice artist, a dabbler, really, but every time I see Carole’s work, I am inspired to take a leap.

While Carole has been at it for years, I didn’t even consider trying to create art until retirement. I’ve always messed around with writing, but other than a little photography many moons ago, I avoided anything visual or hands-on.

And then as the story goes, I salvaged some wood from my neighbor and couldn’t decide what to do with it. Eventually, I landed on burning designs with a pyrography tool and then filling in the designs with color. Kind of like making my own coloring book. And yes, I always colored inside the lines.

I’ve previously suggested I would be interested in selling my pieces, but I’ve decided to keep them. They are part of my life experience, and I like looking at them.

The latest is slightly different than the rest.

My other neighbor was doing some work around his cabin in the mountains and brought this back for me to play with. I don’t know what kind of wood it is, but it was hard to burn. It’s a good bit larger than my typical pallet scraps.

After visiting Carole’s home recently, I realized there is no end to her artistic drive and creativity. I mean, I’m just a grasshopper, but couldn’t I stretch myself at least a little?

This time around, I attempted to draw a few real things other than just random doodles. I’m not particularly good at what I call representational art, but who cares? The thing I love about art is that it doesn’t have to be realistic. I decide what a mermaid looks like. Mine has gray hair!

I’ve learned a lot from my experiments with art … and from seeing different types of art and hanging out with people like Carole and my sister, who is an accomplished quilter and fabric artist. So many different ideas! So much to learn!

All it takes is commitment. Curiosity. As a friend of mine used to say, you don’t need talent. You either do art or you don’t. Some other revelations:

  • Perfection is overrated.  
  • Art teaches you to trust yourself.
  • The act of creating art might be as free as you’ll ever be.
  • Retirement is the perfect time to find your inner artist.

The art of the slack

Weeds look like flowers if you squint.

I’ve been sort of a slacker when it comes to writing, but I like to think of it as refining the art of the slack. I’m exhausted by the high standards of productivity some people set for themselves in retirement. Certainly, my days are reasonably busy, but I don’t document my activities with quarterly reports and the dreaded self-assessment.

While big goals typically require planning, preparation and commitment, in the art of the slack, it’s important to set a low bar for the routines of daily life. This is contrary to my former approach, which was anything worth doing was worth doing with disturbing ferocity. I used to say my tombstone should read, “She tried hard.”

Retirement has mellowed me. I’m learning to enjoy life with less effort. It turns out the universe will nudge you one way or the other, and it all works out in the end. Still, I’ve learned a few important lessons you’ll want to know about.

  1. Try to wash your sheets once a week, but they can wait if you’ve got something better to do.
  2. Dress for less. You probably have all the clothes you’ll ever need.
  3. Go gray. It’s less work, less expensive and beautiful.
  4. Dust settles and will sit quietly minding its own business longer than you think.
  5. Weeds look like flowers if you squint.
  6. After a shower, squeegee and wipe it down with a towel. It’s a pain in the ass, but you might only need to scrub the shower once a month or less.
  7. If you have a dishwasher, skip the pre-rinse. Google it if you don’t believe me.
  8. Go ahead. Make a top-10 list but stop at eight.

If you’re among those who enjoy gathering metrics, please feel free to call bullshit on me. For the rest, I’m eager to know … how are you refining the art of the slack?

We’re all here to learn.

Would you do it for love?

Number 25

For most, a job forces us to be competitive, whether we like it or not. We crawl our way to the top of the pile to make more money, validate our self-worth and provide for our families.

Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between competition against others and competition against ourselves. When all is said and done, there might not be much of a difference – a standard of being better than someone else or better than you can ever hope to be?

And then you retire, and you still have this competitive drive all dressed up and nowhere to go. We may channel that energy into sports, hobbies, side gigs or travel, and like so many others, we often compete for attention on social media. We want to be good at something. We want to be seen.

I’m beginning to think the holy grail of retirement – or maybe just aging in general – is choosing to become less competitive and more mindful. While competition can be motivating, it’s all too easy to judge yourself harshly. I’ve always been way too hard on myself, and at this point in my life, I’m trying to focus on enjoying the experience more than the outcome.

For example, golf is one of my passions. I play in a women’s league at a local club. The rules are quite persnickety and the prizes are meager, yet competition is fierce. Bragging rights, I guess. I took pride in suggesting I didn’t care about winning, although I freely admitted I didn’t want to be DFL – dead fucking last.

What a surprise to wake up and realize if you care about losing, you care about winning. Even striving to be in the middle of the pack is its own little contest.

All that said, I’m not suggesting people abandon competition completely. It’s not about giving up. I still like the idea of challenging ourselves to do exceptional things. But I definitely think retirement is the right time to moderate our expectations and find new ways to feel rewarded.

Try to forget about winning or losing. Be kind to yourself no matter where you rank in the hierarchy of achievements. Focus on the pleasures of the game itself, your interactions with people, sharing your work with others or the creative process of making art or putting a business project together.

At the end of the day, whatever drives you, ask yourself this: would you do it for love?

I coulda been somebody!

While I don’t miss work, I confess early into my retirement I missed feeling important. Being a director for a large corporation was demanding. Once you got to that level, the company wanted everything you had but taunted us with money and perks to keep people like me crawling back for more.

After a while, you start to think you’re somebody.

Then you join the long list of retirees who used to have big jobs, and you realize no one cares about your glory days. I needed a new mindset, and as I was looking for answers, I stumbled upon this quote in an online forum:    

“We were never the somebody we thought. And we are never the nobody we fear.”

For me, that kind of says it all.

Double shot

Yesterday, I got my flu shot and COVID booster at the same time – one in each arm. I didn’t have any problems with the COVID vaccines first time around, but I have a history of fever and chills after getting the flu shot. I used to pre-medicate with Tylenol several days in advance, and that put an end to the chilly willies.

However, I’ve since read you’re not supposed to do that, since they don’t really know how it affects the vaccines. So, I toughed it out, and sure enough, I got fever and chills. Quite the miserable night, but it passed pretty quickly. Both arms are still sore, but I managed to play a little golf today.

COVID has completely stressed me out. I know – take a number, but I believe I’ve been unnecessarily paranoid. Now that I’m boosted and the case rates are going down here in California, I’m going to try hard to lighten up. We still haven’t been to a restaurant, even for outside dining.

Part of the problem is we’re kind of spoiled by our own home cooking, and most restaurants just aren’t that good. Still, a diversion would be nice. The weather is lovely, so maybe we can get our butts out the door and try someone else’s food.

Great British Baking Show

Speaking of food, I am finally getting into the Great British Baking Show. I can’t imagine what took me so long, but I love it. The baking is fantastic, of course, but as a Britophile, I also like the cast of characters.

I’m still watching the first season, so I have lots of shows in the queue. One of the first things I want to try is Mary Berry’s treacle tart.

A fluted tart pan with a removable bottom has been on my wish list for quite some time, and mine arrived today. Don’t you love it when a plan comes together? However, I don’t want to get in the trap of making sweets all the time, so I want to try a savory tart first. Or even a quiche. I’ve always made quiche in a regular pie pan, but the tart version just looks so inviting.

Cucko for coconut

We are still raving about the coconut layer cake I made for my birthday. Individual pieces are stowed safely in the freezer, but it seems someone has been eating them.

Dale said it is the best cake he’s ever had, and I have to agree. I called it the Thrilla in Manila. I mean, I know that’s a famous boxing match, but I just think it’s fun to say. And it could describe cake, right?

He said, no. It’s the Thrilla with Vanilla!

Sometimes it takes very little to amuse us.