Image & judgment

Dale and I were at the Walgreens pharmacy and saw this sign over the counter that said, “SELECT NARCOTICS IN TIME DELAY SAFE.”

We were waiting for a prescription, and Dale whispered to me, “Do you think now would be a good time to select our narcotics?”

I couldn’t stop laughing. Then Dale couldn’t stop laughing. Seriously, I thought someone was going to come out and tell us to quiet down and quit having so much fun. I used to tease Dale about his loud, crazy old guy laugh, but I don’t anymore. I would pay extra for it.

If we’re supposed to be dignified, we blew our cover, but the whole idea of cultivating an image is dead to me. I cared a lot about how I presented myself to the world when I was working, because honestly, image was the name of the game.

By the time I got to the higher ranks, I concluded they don’t care so much about what you can do but whether they want you in their club. They want to see you’re willing to conform. Do you look like them? Talk like them? Or do you dress wrong? Is your laugh too loud?

Those things mattered to me then because they directly impacted my livelihood, and for me, work was about money not passion. Although I never quite mastered the art of fitting in, I tried to look and act the part and got close enough.

But man, always being judged. It was exhausting. The great bonus of retirement is that nobody is paying me to perform for the king. I am whoever shows up that day.

Maybe I actually am gaining some wisdom as I age, but it has occurred to me that judging others is just as exhausting as being judged. I’m tired of expecting other people to be who I want them to be.

This includes difficult relatives, but it does not apply to evil people and politicians or evil politicians.